You will either step forward into growth, 
or you will step back into safety.”
Abraham Maslow

Sometimes no amount of adoration or deluge of compliments can fill the hole in your heart.

No amount of money, excuses, rationalizations, indulgences or sacrifices, generosities even gifts from others can fill up the empty well of despair, of neediness, fear and the sense of lack that can accumulate from not having a connection with something outside self yet inside self. This something is what I tend to refer to as, my higher power.

My personal journey is rich with hopelessness, destructive behavior and financial ruin.  Family turmoil, people I have scarred and words I wish I had never spoken, litter my path.

My life trajectory is also ablaze with courage, honesty and spiritual awakening.  It is the keen sense of my contact with this power greater than myself, that keeps me sane, balanced and brings me back to whom and what I really am.

Whenever I have grappled with relationship issues, feel scattered by circumstances or have anxiety, I know I have abandoned my spiritual practice.  And just like it takes getting sick to remember how great it feels to be healthy, it sometimes takes an out of control feeling or scary situation to bring you back to your true self.

I took care of myself today in a truly soulful way.  I took action and I made decisions.  I took a step forward toward my potential self by staying in the moment and revering the holiness within.

Also…

Twenty years ago today, a miracle occurred in our lives.  My daughter V survived a birth under unusual circumstances and by the grace of life’s mysteries, has grown into a fine young woman. She is intelligent, beautiful and a work in progress we have the pleasure of watching and listening to.  Love you.

To do something/anything even in the face of fear.

Not to be foolish and take risks for the sake of laughs but to truly do something you know you must in order to make things right, to have integrity, to humble oneself, apologize or even stick up for self – even if you never have before and are afraid to step into this new territory of bravery.

The word courage comes from the Latin cor or French coeur – both meaning heart. It takes a big, open heart to do the right thing with valor and honorably.

To discard the shallow and seek the profound is the way of a person of courage. – Nichiren

The Drive in Motion – A nod to Grads and Teachers

“To follow my inner compass is to align with my outer intention.” – Cecilia

Budding White Agapanthus (lily of the Nile) with Star Jasmine Background

The eruption and the support, the youths leap forth and the instructors release scented information.

Some people learn by observation; so you have to be an example of the truth. Demonstrate.

Some people learn via their ears; so you have to speak the truth clearly. Enunciate.

Some people comprehend by having an experience; so you guide them to the truth. Elucidate.

Some people grasp and absorb content through touch; so you encourage them to find the truth with a tap, a pat or a hug. Congratulate.

Some people master concepts by way of interlacing and connecting facts; so you present the truth. Associate.

But we all have potential and we all contain avenues for information; so you trust the path to truth. Educate.Morning Glory Burst

Go within and without – go do your thing, find your purpose and give back generously!

A life lived in fear, is a life half lived – Spanish proverb

Bittersweetly, I watch my senior, my petunia, my last cherub, graduate with honors and enter the exciting, challenging and far away world of college dorm living within a few more weeks.

All my children have made me a proud mom, a grateful human being and a wiser woman.

Today was a test.

At one point, it was almost unfathomable.

And then, I reached out.

I heard back, I received advice; I listened to positive words of encouragement via text, voicemail and my own writing.

I know now that no matter how upside down it can all get, I just have the present moment and in that instant…stay present…stay in a place called sanctuary, remain calm because this too shall pass as the saying goes, but to live it is to know it… the experience of helplessness and no control over anything, the knowledge that there is no going back, no changing and nowhere to turn.

AND then, the answer, the solution and the realization deep down inside that the response must always be lead by love, the belief that there is something bigger than even my mind can comprehend of the Universe, some power beyond my brain’s capability, a force stronger than all my will could ever muster…that is where I rest, this is where I must have faith in… it is here that I find the peace to move from one minute to the next with a serenity that all will be well, blessed be the day for me and mine and I am but an instrument not the conductor of my life as I thought.

I questioned my existence, and I felt disconnected from my spiritual source.

And I was tested, and found I had to dig deeper to find the sweet honey of trusting the truth I knew all along.

I just saw the following and had to copy it: “The physical world is a veil of illusion in front of a truer truth. Broaden your physical perceptions to include the knowledge of the heart.” – Marianne Williamson

Coinquidink? I think not

This is why they call it the OC.Neighbor’s tree full of fruit!

Congratulations to my daughter E!  Last night at the exclusive Medallion Awards Dinner at her high school, she received accolades from her Science and English teachers, earning a medallion for both!

Congrats to all grads of 2013!

The universe is infinitely and eternally lit with the light of love and new possibility. – Marianne Williamson

This is our future!

What I fuel my body with is even more important than How I expend my energy.

The more I experiment with myself, the more I realize that it is important to stay active and build or maintain muscle, but the bottom line begins and ends with the table. And I am just speaking for myself.

Here are three more observations…

1) The more I exercise, the hungrier I become.

2) I must be meticulous about counting calories.

3) I prefer a walking buddy And I need a training partner.

I have a roundabout, love/hate relationship with discipline and self-motivation.  Here are three facts that are true for me.

1)  Discipline requires commitment.

2)  I accomplish not because I need it or want it, but because I follow through.

3)  Determination comes from the inside.

If I am not happy with where I am right now and don’t love myself completely just the way I am right now; if I don’t truly love my present self…I can never reach my potential self.

This is what I have been up to all day long.  Building, cleaning and gathering objets d’art to make a little cozy haven within a four by four foot area.  Re-arranging, stepping back and re-evaluating.

Exhausted now, will relax by my shaded corner, graced by a new bucket spilling fountain,  safely tucked, and read.Getting ready for my summer reading, meditation and quiet outdoor evening program.

It’s a good idea to spruce up or invent an outdoor spot for yourself before it gets too hot!