day 211 – Filling a Hole

You will either step forward into growth, 
or you will step back into safety.”
Abraham Maslow

Sometimes no amount of adoration or deluge of compliments can fill the hole in your heart.

No amount of money, excuses, rationalizations, indulgences or sacrifices, generosities even gifts from others can fill up the empty well of despair, of neediness, fear and the sense of lack that can accumulate from not having a connection with something outside self yet inside self. This something is what I tend to refer to as, my higher power.

My personal journey is rich with hopelessness, destructive behavior and financial ruin.  Family turmoil, people I have scarred and words I wish I had never spoken, litter my path.

My life trajectory is also ablaze with courage, honesty and spiritual awakening.  It is the keen sense of my contact with this power greater than myself, that keeps me sane, balanced and brings me back to whom and what I really am.

Whenever I have grappled with relationship issues, feel scattered by circumstances or have anxiety, I know I have abandoned my spiritual practice.  And just like it takes getting sick to remember how great it feels to be healthy, it sometimes takes an out of control feeling or scary situation to bring you back to your true self.

I took care of myself today in a truly soulful way.  I took action and I made decisions.  I took a step forward toward my potential self by staying in the moment and revering the holiness within.


Twenty years ago today, a miracle occurred in our lives.  My daughter V survived a birth under unusual circumstances and by the grace of life’s mysteries, has grown into a fine young woman. She is intelligent, beautiful and a work in progress we have the pleasure of watching and listening to.  Love you.

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