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Category Archives: Musings
Dancing with Goddess
embody the senses
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It’s not just about KNOWING what to do, It’s also about DOING what you know!
Forgiveness Homework
I forgive myself for judging myself as an inconvenience.
I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy.
I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy of everyone’s love and attention.
I forgive myself for judging myself as taking up too much space.
I forgive myself for judging myself as unworthy unless I can take care of others, gift to others or do for others.
I forgive myself for judging myself as needing to care for others in order to be worthy of love and support.
From Laurel and angels to me back on November 9, 2022
True Peace
True peace lies in the spring budding leaves of the dogwood. Or, a blue jay busy squawking, a chickadee drinking rain water, a red hat wearing woodpecker pecking at a branch for insects, or tiny worms in the bark.
Nature is true peace. Order in my home is beauty and peace. The sitar music with soft beats is true peace. Listening to 963Hz sound vibes is true peace.
The allure of out door vignettes and views are true peace. A plate of food well distributed and colorful is true peace.
The anticipation of bedtime and reading a treasured or new book is true peace. Wonder, enthusiasm and gratitude is true peace.
True peace is not fighting anything or with anyone not even inside myself. True peace is the scent of sweet candles burning bright, sage and incense, perfumed rooms cleansed by essential oils.
True peace is holding a baby, petting a furry family member or hugging, comforting, embracing with intention, releasing tears or sharing the joy of being alive in the same time continuum.
True peace is raindrops tapping onto the roof, cleansing dust off trees, bushes and washing away debris – leaving foliage, buds and flowers scattered below green canopies.
True peace is noticing and being awestruck by life and natural beauty, changes and moments of transformation.
The sky darkens, the sky clears, the sky opens and the sky releases tears.
And I am overjoyed!
Disordered Eating
Strict dieting, portion control, eliminating entire groups of foods and timed as well as how many meals led me to binge after each and every bout of severe restriction. ALL of my adult life.
The weighing, measuring and counting triggered what I later learned was disordered eating. When I looked into Eating Disorders Anonymous after a friendly chat with a gen z-er who noticed I wasn’t ordering lunch during a lunch date, I realized my weight and body size meant a lot more to me and how in reality it was unimportant to others who liked or loved me and generally in the scheme of things.
I have used food as a substitute for feeling emotions as well as sabotaging and punishing myself. It was a comfort, a drug and an escape. It was a way to control, manipulate and judge me because as an immature adult I thought I needed that kind of discipline. I had body dysmorphia and loathing. No body shape or size was ever good enough.
Now I use intuitive eating and I have gained weight yet actually I like myself more and I am finding my voice. Because it wasn’t the outer me that had to morph, it was the inner me that had to love and accept herself exactly where she was at.
Journal Prompt: What are your food rules?
Discernment
Covid Lockdown had a silver lining. It made clear who and what mattered.
I have absolutely no patience for cruelty, greed and bullies. Never did, but I am not shy about how I fell about it any more. I do not agree with silence. I believe discrimination, unfair systems and wrongdoings against Earth and Humanity and Nature need to be spoken about, out in the open. Dialoging, informing and awakening to cultural changes are a must for me now.
I have more compassion, grace, tolerance and gratitude for self, therefore for you as well.
I dealt with anxiety on a deeper level after January 6, 2021. The day that will live in infamy for me like 9/11. I will not accept lies from those who are sore losers or try to frighten us anymore. More than ever, I believe in higher ground. You don’t have to defend truth, facts and science. They just are.
I respect and have tried to understand other points of view but not if it is tainted with fear, meanness and ugly behavior.
I’m done asking why did this happen? OR why did they do that? The answer is clear as a bell and it’s up to me to own my own attitudes and reactions.
I’ve become more discerning. I work on me and surround myself with uplifting, supportive and empathetic folks.
Journal Prompts:
What are 3 things you are grateful for that maybe you were not aware of before Covid hit or realize the importance of today?
What are 3 people, places or things you are powerless over?
What are 3 characteristics you like about yourself?
Distractions
It’s the distractions that have derailed me, mostly. Every time I commit to self, interruptions keep me from following through. Finishing projects, writing a book, completing courses and becoming all I could be is not because of a lack of time. It’s how I spend my time.
M gets up extra early so he can do all his paperwork before the rest of the world awakens, arrives and starts to sidetrack or intrudes on him.
I get busy, getting things done, sinking my teeth into a task and BOOM, I change course because I am easily led down rabbit holes or something or someone stops me. It happens either by an outside source like a phone call needing my attention or my own head wandering or flitting to another flower like a butterfly.
Mind control and discipline can be practiced with meditation. It regulates and concentrates your focus on the breath, for example, so you can ground yourself better. That’s YOGA in a nutshell. Using your body to breathe and move as if that’s all that existed in the world.
Sorry, M just walked in and I forgot my train of thought.