Y2 – Day 115 – Confidence

There is a lesson in the workbook section of The Course in Miracles which instructs us to trust in a Higher Power’s strength.

On our own lone support, we acquire fear-filled negative thoughts because our minds are relentless and undisciplined, knowing no quiet or rest.

Knowing something, anything, whatever you want to call it, as long as it is not us, is following some law of nature, logic, probability, science or benevolence – calms me down.

It is a relief to know we are not the center of the universe and that we do not run it either.  It is a relief to believe and be able to count on our own inner connection to whatever this great almighty is.  With this faith, we can face any trial or tribulation.

This is what spirituality and Higher Power(s) mean to me and I am content with this idea, most of the time.  Of course, I question, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t.  Especially when I listen to the news.  But when I am in sync with having and owning and feeling I have a Higher Power (or HP as I lovingly refer to it), I feel my life flow, my positive attitudes grow and my heart and soul glow.  I like to stay on the beam of light and wear my rose colored glasses, most of the time.  And these are the best of times.

Alone, we are a mere drop in the ocean.  Together, with the power of adhesion, we stick to each other, creating a great source or body of water.

The Course repeatedly asks us to sink down into ourselves in meditation, releasing and denying the ego, the false self.  In its stead, find and grasp the peace, beauty and vitality we have within.  “Be still and know that I am God”.

Journeying within helps us live amongst all.  Simultaneously acknowledging our ego’s surrender and the light within us produces serenity.  In an instant, when you least expect it, a spark of clarity, a flash of reality assures you all is well, you can do it, you can be the drop of water connected to all the other drops of water, breathing in and out like the tide ebbs and recedes, in and out, into one giant wave of life, rising to the top of the foam, now sinking into the depths, being carried by some force beyond your control and your little droplet of understanding.  All the droplets of water are important and they all need to cohere in order to be one strong force that abides the natural laws of the flow of life and motion.

The clearer I see nature, the truer I feel our connection.  When I whimper, whine or debase myself in self-pity, I am reminded of my weaknesses.  When I pause and remember that the power behind me is always greater that the problem before me, I flourish, I gain confidence, I move forward.

As the Course states, “There is a place in you where there is perfect peace.  There is a place in you where nothing is impossible.”  In the realm of my imagination, I find the key to my soul’s infinite awareness and I write about it.

Why not use my writing as an exploratory tool?  I pick a topic and then take off.  Why not take inspiration from the ether and then allow it to thrive on the page?  Why not write with a little more authority, truth and purpose?  The only person stopping me is I.  May I gain confidence.  You know I am determined.

The meek might inherit the earth but it is the diligent, gentle souls that will build the Ark.  The humble person comprehends the complete uselessness of the ego to reach nirvana.  It is the shedding of the ego self that opens the pearly gates to your inner world named ‘heaven’.

It is healthy for me to know I am one with this Power, within this Power, part of the collected Power, beyond the limitations of my small mindedness and instead flowing into and with this Power.  Here, is how I know I can be the best possible me, connecting to this Power source, using my body as an instrument, my writing as the form of expression, receiving and transmitting on a higher frequency.

For me, true self confidence building paradoxically begins when I rely on, not deny, that a Higher Power of my own understanding, exists.

If you have no confidence in self, you are twice defeated in the race of life.  With confidence, you have won even before you have started. – Cicero

 

Y2-Day 37- Emancipation

Today would have been Cindi’s kill date.  She was to be put down today at the shelter and instead we won the lottery and adopted her on the 17th, thirteen days ago.  Who rescues who when you save a life?

I have been kinder to the cats because of Cindi’s love and adoration.  The warmth and joy this little doggie gives us is spreading itself everywhere and all over.  I have become mushy but I have become more responsible too.  She has unlocked another door in my heart I never knew was shut.  It’s as if a window to my soul has been opened and the sun is shining in.  Unconditional love and devotion reigns.

She is precious and I dote on her.  She follows me everywhere and just wants to please.  She has a mind of her own and instincts but is easily manageable because of her size and disposition.  She allows the cats to come right up to her nose and sniff her without barking or chasing them.  She obeys, she is trained and I feel like I won a prize.  I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t want such a behaved little dog like Cindi.

She is a happy camper and smart.  When I come into the house or into the room she wags her tail and jumps around and has a regular ‘welcome home’ party for me – all that is missing is the banner and the party hats.  She wants to socialize with most every dog and person.  Ninety percent of her awake time is spent wagging her tail with frisky expectation.

She sleeps all night except for her grooming intervals.  Last night, I heard her snore.  Sometimes I hear her whimper in her sleep while she is dreaming.  Mostly, she is still and quiet and contented snuggled in a corner of her crate curled into herself and surrounded below and around by a cushy, plush throw.  I check to make sure she is breathing just like an infant.  “Oh no.”  Yup.

Wherever I place a blanket down, she is there to lay down upon it and watch me type, or read, or cook dinner or do laundry or fold or watch TV.

Her pure delighted gratitude full of instant glee –  when we go on walks, when we lay on our backs on the grass together looking up at the sky or when I give her a well deserved massage at night with lavender scented hands – is time well spent and rehabilitates, eases and renews my mind.  She soothes and heals my soul.

Who liberated whom?  We were made for each other and this was meant to be.  I am grateful to my friend J, the dog rescuer for giving me the heads up on this rescue and my loving husband for giving me the thumbs up on this family addition.

Happiness is writing with your pets by your side.

 

Y2-Day 33-Weekends

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.

Ovid
Roman poet (43 BC – 17 AD)  

Weekends are meant to be savored just like every minute of every day.   – Cecilia  

As long as I can recall, we go out to eat on Friday nights.  It might have started on a different day of the week but it officially became Friday when student schedules freed us only on that evening and we made it the tradition.  As the kids grew up and asked to have friends and then boy/girl friends to come we accommodated and were happy to as long as we had our Friday meal together and could ask each other how the week went and what were the plans for the weekend and anything that came up that needed to be talked about.  Now that we are empty nesters again, we took our new dog out to Lazy Dog Cafe for dinner since they allow leashed dogs on their outdoor patio eating area and it’s their claim to fame.  It was kinda cute.

Yesterday, we spent the day frolicking with the dog, walking her and carefully observing three cats and a dog get to know each other.  I also started reading a new book, adding  to my vegan collection, called Vegan Planet – an updated version just released Jan. 14th of this new year.  I am looking forward to making some new recipes and sharing them on the blog as I traipse through the cookbook.

We just got back from finally seeing the movie Frozen and loved it.  What a wonderful message and the animation, the music and the pace is Uber Disney perfect.  Two weekends ago, we went to see Beauty and the Beast at the OC performing art center and it brought back the Disneyland days witnessing everything through the eyes of children.  As an adult, both these stories bring tears to my eyes – and dare I say it? – warm fuzzy feelings.  I am a mush these days.

As I sit here writing in the den, I listen to my zoo of pets and my prince charming snoozing, their even breaths falling and rising, the life in them visibly palpitating.  I look past the screened patio doors to the colors of the yard, greens and grays, browns and slate blues.

 Weekends are for regrouping, reconnecting and remembering.

If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it. – 

HerodotusThe Histories of Herodotus

Greek historian & traveler (484 BC – 430 BC) 

day 311 – Clam Digging – part three

We spread and scrutinize the clams on our beach-pebbled patio designed and built by my dad .  Then we segregate and group each by size.  The clams bathe for two days in cornmeal and water in stockpots outside on our patio. They cleanse and purify themselves in this manner.  They open up their shells and suck in or “inhale” the clean water and cornmeal.  They discharge impurities as they “exhale.”

After separating all the clams, I take a nice warm bubble bath with my pink box of Mr. Bubbles soap flakes and reminisce about our adventure and our loot.  I adore fragrances even as a youngster and I splash on some light and citrusy Jean Nate toilet water.   Later that night, I join my family and sit around the old brick red picnic table with attached benches.  Our crimson brick barbeque stands proudly in the right hand corner of our pebbled patio.  My dad built the barbeque too.  He can build, manufacture or fix anything.  He taught me how to build fires on the beach without using  lighter fluid or gas.  I have handed down my pyrotechnic skills to my daughter, V, named after my dad.

The tastiest, most delicious and scrumptious clams are the one-inchers.  They are miniscule bites of delight.  We always eat the petite appetizers the very same night we bring them home.  The pygmy clams perch precariously on the grill over the fire my dad has started.  Each tiny mollusk gives up its life in its own time, at its own pace.  My dad stands watch so he can pick them up with his tongs at the peak of their flavor, the moment of their final surrender.  He proudly and carefully brings them to us one by one, without spilling any clam liquor, to our table.

I squeeze a little lemon into the bottom casing full of tepid seawater.   Alive just a few seconds ago, my savory amuse bouche awaits its destiny.  My victim lays steeped in tart ocean juice.  I dig the rubbery meat out with my fingers.  I detach its muscle from its plum – colored home.  I place it in my puckered mouth. I swallow it whole as I chase it down with the salty, lemony broth.  I slurp with a slight intake of air and it slides down my throat, smoothly, quickly and completely.

I relish and wonder in awe at the magical and vivid moments of a great summer day.  It is great to be alive!  It feels “oh so good ” as well as honest and satisfying to dine on gifts from the sea I toiled hard to unearth from the sea floor and brought up from the bottom of a clam bed.   I feel safe and secure on our beach-pebbled patio.  I do not take for granted the delicacy and pure exquisiteness of newly opened Little Neck clams and this moment in time. I grasp and hold close to my heart, the holiness of the event.

Possibly from the lessons I learned as a child, I value, respect, cherish, and find it sacred to eat fresh caught, fresh picked, freshly prepared or freshly harvested food.   It is a blessing to obtain, make ready and serve nourishing (preferably organic) meals with tender, loving care.

May you dine on simple, true flavors layered by time, shared with others and realize the moment as a gift.

 

 

day 310 – Clam Digging Part two

Now, defenseless without my sneakers,  I clamp my toes (it is more intuitive barefoot anyway) around what I believe to be a huge mollusk.  I reach down with both my hands into the salty liquid and I bend my right knee, raise my foot towards the surface, releasing my toe grip on an enormous clam as I place it securely, deftly into my left hand and lift up a beauty of a clam.  I shake it up and down, I spring out of the water about a foot high and exclaim loudly, “Mira, Pa, mira que grande!” (Look, Dad, look how big it is!)  It seems humongous in my childish grip.

My dad looks over from around fifteen feet away to my right, in much deeper water, further out from the rocky shore and calls back, “Oh, ese lo vamos a usar en una linda sopa.” (Oh, that one we will use in a nice soup.)

“Yes,” I ponder proudly, “it will make a good addition to a scrumptious fresh clam chowder!”  I know my mom will add homegrown veggies from our summer garden to the meal and I start to salivate just imagining it.   I find and retrieve yet another clam without letting it drop back into the sea and escaping my hold on it.

I enjoy the entire event – the ever diving down, reaching and clutching with my toes, the dance of lifting and grabbing the mollusks from my foot, to hand, to basket, and the time spent with my dad.   The satisfaction of spending quality time with my father (in a natural setting to boot) infuses my soul.  I also rather enjoy the feasting afterwards and with a comfortable, slow smile on my face follow the thought of how much I take after him and how much we belong to each other. There is no way I was adopted, though sometimes you wonder when you are young, because I instantly know in that moment, we are too alike and are having way too much fun hunting and gathering and being productive.

My dad takes pride in my clam-digging skills.  I fashion myself as a worthy ten-year-old sidekick.  My only drawback,  is  I want to keep everything and I question, haggle and repeatedly ask, -“Is this clam too miniature or illegal?” and  ” Are you sure I have to put it back?”  Clamming for a few summers now,  I feel confident in my dexterity, skills and ability.  I toss the mollusks left and right into the makeshift tire-tube basket that floats and dances between us under the scorching sun.

Every clam has a destination after the harvest.  A super large Little Neck clam resembles and weighs as much as a hefty rock! Chopped up gigantic four to five inch “Little” neck clams are relegated to my mom’s tasty and well-seasoned version of  clam chowder.  She bakes the medium -sized clams right in their own deep purple and pearl Quahog shells with homemade Italian breadcrumbs, parsley, garlic and butter. The bivalves are served in their own homes, a spot of pure genius and ingenuity.  These savory sea morsels are best right out of the oven and devoured while still blazing hot.   The Iroquois Indians of Long Island valued the beautiful violet interiors as currency.  The darker and larger the purple stain, the pricier the clam shell was worth.

Tune in tomorrow for the final description of clam digging and eating.

day 309 – Clam Digging – part one

No, no sirve, hija – es muy chiquito – dejalo que crezca.  Tíralo de vuelta en el agua, no lo metas en la canasta, Cecilia” (No, it’s no good, daughter – it’s too little – let it grow.  Throw it back into the water; do not put it in the basket, Cecilia).

‘Argh,’ I think.  Bitten by a crab for a teeny, tiny clam I have to throw back into the water. Really?  Oh well, back it goes.  I restore this creature to the depths of the murky inlet of Little Africa Beach into the depths of the Long Island Sound.

The summer sun warms the muddy water and drenches me in heat.   I kick the dark sandy sediment at the bottom of the sea upwards using my toes as I feel around for clams. Seagulls squawk and dive down over my head.  Their constant swooping and chatter, a backdrop to the lapping of shallow waves.  The distinctive scent of the sea permeates my nostrils and hangs heavy in the hot, humid air. The brine tastes sweet, it’s familiar taste pleasant and a comfort, as I smack my lips. It is a flavor particular to the Long Island Sound, back east, in New York.

My dad says it is unlawful to keep the miniature little neck clams and I reluctantly return them to the tepid summer water.  I look forward to them thriving, developing and multiplying because next season I will eagerly scoop and hold them up high like a prize won for patience, endurance and expertise.

The best way I know how to dig for clams is to touch and dig into the earth under the seawater as I tread and hop. I feel the terrain with my toes and grab what I think might be a clam between the ball of my feet and toes, clinching tightly around my catch …then I swing my clenched foot up to my opposite hip and reach down with either hand.  As I bring it to light for the very first time in its life out into the air and sunshine, I inspect my treasure.

Sometimes, my find emerges out of the water and it’s just a sharp- edged rock and I am severely disappointed.  On most occasions though, I discover a solid, pearly, round Little Neck clam, native to the Northeastern seaboard.  I bob up and down as I trudge the floor of the Sound searching for hours, repeating the scenario.  Occasionally, a crab grabs my toes and nips.  Sometimes, I even draw blood.

“Ouch!,” I exclaim.

Crabby crustacean biting occurs frequently in the month of August.  It is a good time to stick some old Converse or cheap department store sneakers on my feet to go clamming safely.

Today, I realize a little too late, is the last day of July and I left my shoes outside on the kitchen stoop leading to our patio. After my café con leche (coffee with milk) in the morning, I didn’t want to miss a single minute of daylight or time with my dad so I hightailed it out quickly to the driveway.

My dad waits with our gear in our old white-finned car. I live in bathing suits in the summer adding perhaps a pair of culottes and maybe a top. I dress in beach-prepared style all summer long.    However, I forget my protective sneakers today and I pay with some abrasions and crab inflicted wounds.

Tune in tomorrow for further clam digging drama…

day 244 – Festive Consciousness

I love today so far.  I breathe, attract and feel enriched by this moment.  I get to live and move about and do and BE.  I am completely overtaken by the task, by the beauty, by the pure JOY of life.

People are in my heart.  Dead, past and now people.  Who hasn’t touched me in some way?  Who hasn’t been instrumental to my growth?  Even when I consider “negative” encounters, I am convinced it has taught me in some form or manner; about myself, about human frailty and imperfection or about choices we all get to make or break.

I’m infatuated by the cruelty, the massiveness and the endurance of Nature as well as its fragility, microscopic existence and its outstanding artistry.

I relish every breath and pump of my heart and all who journey with me in this moment in time, on this planet Earth.

The life force generously flows through me.  My senses are “on.”  I have a clear and fascinating clear picture of my surroundings, the connections, the absolute blessing, grace and beatitude of the DIVINE in everything.

Do I attribute this bliss to an emotional response or are my feelings deriving from the celebratory knowing of this truth?

day 181 – On being a MOM – 1 day to go till Mother’s Day

What does it mean to be a MOM? 

To have and hold and document the dear moments of childhood in order to remind, reminisce or give your offspring a glimpse of themselves as their authentic selves.  As they grow, change and morph into the potential PLUS what you saw in them when they were tiny tykes, you remember what it took, what was happening in history and how you helped or hindered them. 

My kids have far exceeded any puny expectations I could have ever foreseen for them.  I was incapable of foretelling the future world as it looks today, with computers in the palms of your hands, communicating your image around the world in real time and the political, environmental and social events that in some way define all of us – seemingly spinning out of our control.  Each of our cherubs has developed in his or her surroundings and moment in time, at their own pace, and with their own perspective, philosophy and baggage.

It’s been enjoyable and gratifying to witness their birth, watch them feed themselves, crawl, stand-up, walk, smile, splash, test limits, speak, poke, touch absolutely everything, say “no” and “why” all day long, investigate and explore with curiosity, using all five senses, to this very day. 

They say, Energy flows where Awareness goes.  A mom, by definition, is sensory glued and mesmerized by her offspring.

Inquisitiveness, Beauty and Innocence.  What a ride and an experience it is to be a part of a child’s life.  What a bonus to see them expand into amazing human beings on this planet.  Still probing, questioning, attractive but not so naïve.  Yet, still angelic –  to us moms, in our heart of hearts.

I once held my babies, smelled their cherished newness, touched their soft, translucent newborn skin and heard their communicative cries as well as their shifting movements in the crib and the nuance of their breathing.    I listened with delight as they cooed and swapped at the makeshift mobile on our kitchen counter, took them into the bathroom with me in their baby seats, snuck in at naptime and nighttime to make sure they were sleeping on their backs or sides and still respiring from their bellies and never left their sight or sound.  I bathed and changed them.  I swung them for endless hours and belted them into safety on every drive. I let them play with cat food cans, empty boxes and Tupperware inside a huge bottom kitchen drawer.  I observed them in awe and praised them.  I took them everywhere and I was lost when they stayed home with daddy, the few times I dared leave their adorable presence.

And now, to look on as they take off and fly from the nest with such stamina, grace and eagerness!!!!!! What did I do right?

I wish our young adults the best and thank you for allowing me the life experience and the priceless gift of being your MOM. 

Happy Mother’s Day to all Moms.

 

day 164 – Fresh Start

Fresh Start

We continually find ourselves at new beginnings.

Our path holds fresh, new experiences of learning, growth and wisdom.

Take your awareness to an unfamiliar level of consciousness – the spiritual journey.

Make plans to always have a positive impact on your surroundings and all the people you encounter.

Each day, we find uncharted potential in the unexplored course that lies before us – after all, we have never been here before.

But recall the benefits of the passages we have traveled through thus far.

Our bodies, minds and souls emerge from early morning meditation – cleansed and rejuvenated.

 

day 155 – Spring Cleaning

Spring is about cleansing, healing and releasing negative, old and tired stagnant energy.  It’s time to introduce positive, new, clean, refreshing and renewing potential.

Externally – clearing out our environment, opening up windows and letting fresh air in.

Internally – unblocking our paths of energy, exhaling muddy thoughts, unproductive habits and barren ideas; letting go of what does not serve us anymore.

Bring in the intention of loving, nurturing and harmonious flow into your home and hearth.

Move and breathe fresh air into your body, revitalizing and purifying as you extend, pull, push, lift and flex.

Relax and align your mind with transformational attention to the journey of love, clarity and new possibilities.

Here is a recipe I would like to share that I have been using for over a decade to clean most counter tops, floors and wall surfaces. Please check first on a small inconspicuous place. It is a “green” cleanser that also saves the environment because you reuse the plastic container over and over.  I have several scents and bottles. I interchange and invent new combinations frequently.

You will need:

1 24-32 ounce spray bottle

1 1/2 cups distilled white vinegar

1 1/2 cups filtered or spring water

1 – 3 teaspoons dish soap

20- 30 drops essential oil (I recommend:tea tree, peppermint, eucalyptus, lemon as a starting point)

Just Pour all ingredients into your bottle with a funnel.  Will not harm pets.  Shake well often.