“Wisdom becomes knowledge when it becomes your personal experience.”-Yogi Bhajan

I didn’t really like kids.  I didn’t want to be bothered with them.  I was way too selfish to even think of having any.  I had a career.  I had a beautiful house.  I was in love and loved being free to roam and being young and unfettered.

Then, I didn’t get my period for two months and I thought it was just the excitement of getting married and going off on a honeymoon and all that jazz.  Somebody suggested I take an at home test because it never dawned on me I could be pregnant. OMG! Before OMG was a shortened version of the exclamation.

M was delighted, I was frightened but loved the attention.  At three months pregnant, I had a dream that a soul arrived inside and this soul was going to teach me much.  At four months pregnant, I was flying to NY to see ML for my yearly visit before it got too difficult or risky to fly.  That’s when I realized, as I got up to go to the back restroom in an area essentially the size of a long room being held up like a pencil in the sky, that I was responsible for another human being and it’s life.  My sense of carefreeness left and a sense of responsibility, liability and importance came to nest, resting on my shoulders.  That was the moment, the very precise moment I went into fear of a whole new dimension.  At five months, I was getting kicked heartily.  I grew and made a lot of homemade apple pies and macaroni and cheese courses for some reason.  I ate most of the servings myself.  My dad came to live with us and all was well.  I gained 50 pounds.

Then, it being the coldest and absolutely wettest winter ever, our pipes froze and blew open.  The plumber came and fixed our water situation and the next day, I was at the hospital.  After being induced,  28 hour waves of labor, my dear husband going and coming exhausted from the sheer emotional roller coaster, the doctor suggested for the baby’s sake, we should operate and take him out.

At 10:23 pm on Feb. 16, 1990, our first miracle was born.  I knew from the minute I met him what his name was to me.  I was smacked dab more in love than I ever thought I could be. And I realized then and there, my heart is infinite.  I couldn’t wait to experience this again.

Happy Birthday, Son.

We technically have until Monday to return Cindi per chance she hadn’t worked out.  I would like to instead – thank my lucky stars for our little friend, have her work for me as my muse and give back to the OC Shelter and Rescue in some sort of way.

Having Cindi as my muse is tricky.  She has me spending way too much time enjoying the great outdoors, little sounds, smells and nuances in the air.  She is distracting me from chores with her little antics like wagging her tail while she lays on her back, wriggling to and fro in delight.  She has become the only topic of conversation I have, limiting me from thinking of anything else worth writing or chatting about.  Her cuteness seriously derails me.

On the other hand, she is happily asleep in her doggie bed in my writing room.  She insists I tap tap tap away so she can slumber, uninterrupted.  She’s a never ending story, unfolding.  She wants more from me, her grateful owner.  She wants me to carry on with my writing, reading, resting, playing and living.  She scurries to the door in earnest, she happily pauses and waits, tail wagging, excited and jumping for joy when I walk towards her with the leash.  She stops to smell flowers four and a half feet below me I would have missed if she hadn’t tugged on her leash for me to enjoy them too.

She is eager, she is smart, she is endearing – that is all one really needs in a muse.

On the one hand, snow and changing weather systems gives you variety, makes you, your kids, your car and your pets, troopers and it keeps you flexible, in acceptance and in the flow of whatever new pattern arises.

On the other hand, there is a certain boredom, repetitiveness… a freedom to experiencing dry, sunny, 70 degree weather or thereabouts everyday!

LOL- BIG LOL to my back east fans!!!

My daughter texted me a dish she made up on Sunday and I replied with my dinner photo.  Worth trying out and easy peasy.

Her Sunday dinner:  Mashed sweet potato with salt and hummus (no butter or oil), served with spiced couscous, parsley, cucumber and scallions on top.My Sunday dinner:  Brown rice pasta with organic tomato sauce, vegan meatballs, broccoli and vegan parmesan sprinkles.His Sunday dinner:  Homemade meatballs in an Italian pepper/onion sauce, tucked inside a whole wheat calzone with freshly grated parmesan, mozzarella and a dab of ricotta.  Served with a side of sauce and extra meatballs.Cook’s comment: make a vegan version of this calzone by using vegan meatballs in a homemade sauce with Daiya cheeses or tofu and perhaps some spinach.

Taken and loosely adapted from a recipe in The Vegan Cheat Sheet, I whipped this dessert up and loved its feel in the mouth, its color and its taste – a must share!

Mango Pudding

1 1/2 cup frozen mangoes

2 Tbsp. sunflower seed butter

1 banana

1 Tbsp. creamed coconut meat (found in jars by the nut butters)

1/2 tsp. orange extract

2 Tbsp. lemon juice

Dash of cinnamon

Whip ingredients up in a nutribullet or blender.  Serve chilled.

Makes 2 servings.  @ 275 calories each

If you want to awaken all of humanity, then awaken all of yourself.  If you want to eliminate the suffering in the world, then eliminate all that is dark and negative in yourself.  Truly, the greatest gift you have to give is that of your own self-transformation.- Lao Tzu

As we pursue this story of our spiritual awakening, it dawns on me that a strong desire and a quiet mind is all we need at first.  It is in the unguarded, open moments, that true states of grace are revealed.  Then as we surrender more and more of our ego, it frees up space for spirit to enter.   I know if I don’t hear my highest self, it’s because I am choosing not to listen.

I have noticed that letting go of judgment, criticism and complaint feels sweet.  I have also come to believe that the forgiveness process begins and ends with me.

Carl Rogers said that  “Anyone can cure themselves if only they could hear what they were saying.”  And I believe, if I become your mirror, you can see yourself.  But you have to be emotionally honest and not be buried in denial.  In other words, you prepare yourself to be ready to see whatever it is you need to have revealed to you so you can (through your awareness) come to acceptance. Then you can take action to change and be the truest, most authentic form of yourself, till the next metamorphosis.

The spirit wants to touch our mind and the ego wants us to focus on the body.  I have the choice to learn through Joy or Pain.  I choose Joy.

I choose to transform my negative, fearful thoughts into positive, loving solutions.

And I do want to awaken – I do want to eliminate the dark and let my light glow – I do willingly seek transformation.

It is a miracle that a shift in perception or a change in attitude can be an agent of inner healing, living each moment in freedom, abandoning yourself to love, radiating out like ripples in a lake to others – or you can choose to see only ugliness, make your time here a hell on earth, dying each day with no zest for life, contributing little or nothing to others, imploding inward.  Free will makes it your choice.  Even in the worst of circumstances, throughout history, a strong spiritual center made survivors and heroes out of apparent victims.  Their power lay in their gratitude.  On the other hand, even in the most distinguished or materially wealthy homes, there exists the potential for a sad state of people whom seriously lack a sense of abundance.  Their weakness lies in their self-centeredness.

The choice is always ours. We live in our heads.

I made the Chipotle Remoulade exactly as was written in the Celebration cookbook.  Unfortunately, I don’t care for remoulade (mayonnaise based sauce).  I tried it vegan and still find it too heavy.  If you are a fan of mayo, you will love this.  I am not.I would have preferred a red pepper aioli or red pepper/eggplant relish on top of my Bayou Cakes.  The cakes were delicious alone.  What I did end up using the remoulade for instead was as an ingredient for Spinach Artichoke Dip.  Stay tuned for that post.

Chipotle Remoulade from Celebration cookbook:

1 cup vegan mayo

2 tbsp. red onion, diced

2 tbsp. capers, drained

2 tbsp. red peppers, diced

1/2 tbsp. chipotle chili puree (blend can of chipotle peppers with its juice)

Place all ingredients in a bowl and mix together.

After our last vet visit, I have had to put two cats on a restrictive diet and one cat on a higher calorie meal plan.  Needless to say, I am being awakened by the crying ‘Meows’ of hungry cats at approximately 4am.  Two cats get dry diet food and regular portioned out wet food twice a day.  I place the appropriate amount on two ends of a plate so there is no sharing and plenty for everyone.  When they are done, the food gets picked up, lest the dog sneaks in and snatches whatever is left.  The cat that needs to fill out more waits. I whisk him up and take him through the garage and into our back room.  Here he can indulge leisurely ( he is such a slow eater whereas the other cats eat everything like it’s going out of style ) and I can monitor how much he ingests.  I am on food patrol.

Meanwhile, we have our new lady, Cindi, and she’s getting more and more comfortable at home which translates to some new and ‘testing her boundaries’ behavior that has to be addressed.  She’s becoming more protective. The positive side of this is she trusts and feels secure with us.  Yet, I have noticed some aggressive growling towards other pet family members getting too close to a food/water bowl or bone.  Some human friends whom have dropped in have gotten the look and accompanying noises too.  So she is chastised immediately, as I was taught, with a bass sounding “NO!” and she seems to get the hint.  But like raising a child to say “Please” and “Thank you” it takes a lot of consistent reminding, depending primarily on my constant observation and only somewhat on their willingness.  Also, she has to be continuously checked and tracked when she tries to lunge towards other dogs or people on a walk.  I am learning to keep her right smack closer to me on the leash at these times, pulling her in and praising her when she doesn’t get distracted.  Cindi is a superb dog and I want her to stay sweet, social and behaved so I am watching training videos and taking successful, experienced dog owners’ advice.

It is all worthwhile, of course.  All three cats have become more affectionate – I am guessing due to some jealousy issues but also because we are making the effort to let them know they are loved just as much as the new arrival. Or, perhaps, it is the revised and structured feeding?

Whether it is a newborn baby sibling or an unfamiliar species you bring home, we all have to make adjustments in order to integrate the new personality, learn to abide by different schedules and spread more love around with assurance and tenderness, albeit firmly.

After a morning walk