The Immigrant

The immigrant is a study in struggle and woe.

His soul is haunted by memories of old,

While his body is plagued by a new foreign soil,

He pioneers and ventures, travels and sins.

His ancestors despise him for all the turmoil,

While his offspring mock him for his accent and whims.

“If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain

If I can ease one life the aching or cool one pain

or help one fainting Robin into his nest again

I shall not live in vain” – Emily Dickinson

The worst sensation is watching our children suffer, our parents decline or our friends or siblings in trouble.  We identify with them.  It makes us feel defeated and helpless. What usefulness, what value does the heartache create?

I have no answer.  Perhaps it is to remind us of acceptance.  Unless we want to hide under the covers, run away or shrivel up, we have no other choice but to accept circumstances we would rather not witness.  Many of us would prefer to carry the burden, the pain or the sadness ourselves.  Many of us do precisely that, when we resist life, succumbing to denial or flight.

We are asked to bravely live life on life’s terms, not our own, and that creates the dilemma.  Our lack of power or control to make everything all right, to soften the blow, to stop the bleeding – is what distresses us most of all.  The reality that anguish, despair and grief are part of life comes as a shock when it arrives.  As intellectual beings we understand the concept yet veil the emotion. It is difficult to conceive of joy, peace and any rest for us when there is so much to fix.  Some of us get into action, some of us wilt, and some of us freeze up solid.  And we may surprise ourselves.

I know laughter and humor alleviates the heaviness.  It opens us to healing.  I know just listening, touching or being there helps.  My place is not to injure anyone further and comfort instead as much as possible or desired.  If I don’t come around eventually to some sort of space, no matter how small, or design, no matter what way, of acceptance, I will ultimately be unproductive to everyone, including myself.

We must live accepting what is and focus on transforming OUR guilt, worry and sympathy into something worthwhile.  We can allow scars to become lessons that teach us.  We can all be alchemists with our attitudes and perceptions.  We DO have that power and control over our minds.  We can make anything a living nightmare or heaven on earth depending on our stance. But maybe we give it time, we marinate in sorrow, we climb our way out at our own pace, adapting anew to life sometimes with visible scrapes and bruises.

I could never endure life’s mishaps without benevolent, wise and generous people.  The spiritually fit, perhaps just for that moment in time, help us along.  Alone in my head, with crazy, random and unfocused thoughts, is a disaster.

When we recognize our true selves – our limits, our flaws and our frailties as well as our gifts – we move forward, making appropriate decisions, expressing and releasing our emotions in wondrous ways, waiting to reconcile with the seemingly unacceptable, undeserving twists of fate and tragedies that befall all human beings. As a whole, united person, we can support another.

We can certainly make our death march harder or we can regard it as simply – precious.

Separate needs are weak and easily broken
 but bound together they are strong and hard to tear apart. 
The Midrash Judaic Text 

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, 
or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” 
Abraham Lincoln

This morning, while walking with J, the dog rescuer, I had several “aha!” moments.

My precious pooch, Cindi, is best behaved when I walk with someone (J) who loves and knows about dogs.

It as if Cindi and I sense three things:

One – She cannot get away with any random barking without a swift and immediate reprimand because we try to show J how well we do together.  We both want her approval on our ‘walking on leash’ performance.  We both want an “Atta girl.” Treats for me would be nice.  Maybe next time.

Two – There will be a lot of walking and talking.  Dog stories rule our conversation and the pace is rather brisk.  Both the discourse and the exercise course vary but the topic of dogs is high on the list, of course. I believe Cindi is more attentive than usual and probably enjoys all the canine references.

Three – Loving, Kindness and understanding are exchanged.  Situations are resolved and lessons are learned.  Cindi feels the vibe and the vibe is good.

I also realized there is a completely new world of gossip to consider.  We observe how other dogs behave with their owner, how they respond to Cindi and we deduce what that means about the owner.  We complain about people who do not pick up after their pet.  We judge certain breeds, looks and attitudes.  We admire the perfect prissy gait Cindi acquires when she strolls right past those well-known spots where we encounter neighbor dogs that bark uncontrollably behind their owner’s fences.  Cindi loves to mark a few feet away from them; just to show them she was there, so they can remember her.

We looked all over town today for a gorgeous dog named Diamond.  A lady, about our age, had lost it when it jumped over her six-foot block wall.  She is its foster mom and clearly, she was in a panic.  Her eyes were swollen and red.  Her demeanor was vigilant as she stopped her car and asked rather forlornly but hopeful about the wandering escape artist.  J had the sense to ask her for her phone number and put it in her cell but we both did not think of asking the woman’s name.  We came across many walkers also looking for Diamond and even waved down and asked the local police to be on the alert.  She (the dog) is on Facebook now and that is how I know she is not a slim, brown husky as we were first instructed by the foster mom.

This adventure – imagine J yelling freely around town –“Diamond!”  “Diamond!”  “Where are you Diamond?” – distressed J.  We brought Cindi back home, gathered a leash and treats to lure the wayward doggie but to no avail, on our hour-long hunting expedition.  The entire world of walkers in our village, plus the local authority and social media all knew about Diamond within approximately two hours after her escape. Hopefully this tale will end well and soon.

“We can whine because neighbors have ill-mannered dogs or celebrate because well-behaved dogs have owners that search for lost pups.”  – Cecilia

I know if Cindi got out or went missing, I would want the same fervor of energy to locate, the relentless dedication to rescue, I witnessed today, for her.

After almost, but not quite, four months of being a dog owner/lover, I must concede there is a new range of information, tons of experiences for growth and quite a few stories to tell in this world of companion dogs and their place in our hearts, the free therapy we incur and the mutual devotion that I had no idea existed before sweet soul Cindi.

Happy Paw Prints!

After a devastating and disappointing outcome, the Ducks once again have an opportunity to turn this thing around on Thursday, May 8th!   No vegan desserts for me here at the Honda Center dessert bar!We all want to win the Stanley Cup and I am sure at The Forum at Staples Center they have white, silver and black cupcakes with crowns and a big K on them.  But probably no vegan desserts there either!  GOOOOOOO DUCKS!!!!

 #4 – Be consistent.  Don’t give up but don’t beat yourself up either.  Forming a new habit and breaking an old one takes time and is a matter of regular, continuous discipline.  Sometimes you have to push through resistance, our enemy.  Resistance comes in forms and disguises of fear.

Do the right thing and the right thing is always what is best for you.  If you have a deadline and you distract yourself with TV, food or other…. you know you are avoiding doing the right thing, which is best for you.

We may get lazy, defiant or careless but get back in the saddle as soon as you realize you are defecting from your cause. Constantly choosing the pathway to your goal builds confidence and produces results.

When you truly have an ‘off’ day or need a break, don’t punish yourself with guilt.  Be compassionate and forgiving, starting with you.  But then get back on the road again and set your sights once more on your ultimate objective.

# 5 – Reward, acknowledge and be generous with praise.  When you have aspired to your aim or are on your way – incrementally give yourself a pat on the back.  This is why a confidante, taskmaster or support group works.

Acknowledge your accomplishments and progress by keeping a log, an account or something tangible to note your difficulties so you can honestly and concretely observe the process.  This makes it easier to help someone else with the same intentions.

Share information and the secret of your success.  Give whomever asks the name of your doctor, school or classes you went to further your education.  Tell them about the people who helped you.  Offer to mentor them.

There is nothing that helps you more than helping someone else.  You learn whatever it is better, deeper and more fully.  You get to appreciate your own passion, stamina and determination. Teach, run alongside and nurture someone else’s growth and you will enhance your life ten fold.  When you give of yourself truly to another, don’t be afraid to set up boundaries.  Check your motives.

In summary:   It is rare not to have a glitch, a slump or a setback; that is life.  It is also unusual not to feel smug, hopeful and pleased with yourself when you score; that is normal and necessary to proceed forward.

What new adventure will you begin or have you begun you could apply these principles to?  Which tips were the most helpful?  Are you already doing all of the above and are pleased you have been validated?

5 Tips to Embarking on a New Course of Action

Here are five points to consider before beginning any new endeavor, diet, journey, career path, health regimen or plan:

1. Take it one day at a time, sometimes one-hour or minute at a time.  Rome was not built in a day, nor are habits learned overnight or just because you read about them (although I wish).

    2. Have a support group, buddy, someone you can talk to or are accountable for. 

I have a friend I only speak to about once a month and her first question is “How is your writing going?”  It is important to have someone you respect, trust and like enough to not want to disappoint, like my trainer.  Any other person but J, the redheaded trainer, would just not do.  It has to be a good fit.  Pay attention to this hint and give it the gravity it deserves.

Eventually, you have to love yourself enough to do whatever it is on your own but we all need a little nudging.  Having a gym buddy or walking companion you meet up with is a great incentive to go do it.

3.  Whatever your goal, make the journey enjoyable.

I like walking by myself, listening to a book on tape or music.  At times, I am chatting to a friend. Other times, I daydream, I play with ideas in my head or I am just watchful of nature or the world around me.  Whatever I need at the time.

I had a friend who absolutely abhorred paying the bills.  I got her a vanilla scented candle, burned her a soothing spa like CD, handed her a few herbal teas and a beautiful feminine pen.  I suggested she make paying bills a relaxing event she could look forward to and maybe even be thankful for.  I proposed she send off each sealed, finished envelope with a smile and a blessing of gratitude.  She reported taking my advice and anticipated each month with a much better attitude.  She ended up pondering how lucky she was to have gas, electricity, water and a roof over her head she previously had taken for granted.  She also related she passed the idea on to some of her friends.

When I fold clothes, I put on music and sometimes light up incense.  If I make it about meditation, I tend to make it about gratitude.  I often work out to classical music because the even tempos make me slow it down and measure my pace with cadence.  I may go walking with electronic techno beats to get my heart rate racing.

Think of ways you could be enjoying tasks more.  How could you make it pleasantly work for you?

After a productive, cheery and bright morning yesterday, I encountered a few hiccups.  It was noon.  By this time, I had learned shoddy packaging had ruined a small appliance delivered to us.  I tried to remedy the situation over the internet and phone.  No satisfaction was had.  My husband loaded the box and squashed microwave into the back of our big white ‘land yacht’ as the kids call it and off I went to the warehouse in Santa Ana.  The Sears outlet was in an industrial location.  The space is two blocks wide and not air conditioned.  It was a scorching 98 degrees outside.  After agreeing that I did have a refund coming to me, it took one and one half hours to see that happen.  Thankfully, I was able to hoist my disappointment onto BFF east coast and get some relief from her understanding replies.  The managers were new, had no idea how to do the transaction, had to wait on a “special” register where someone ahead of me was setting up for a lengthy credit line, the register froze, the system went down and then finally an experienced person took over my situation and handed me a receipt of my return.  I was seething inside but thankfully all is well that ends well.  I was exhausted from containing myself and not lashing out.  Good thing I wrote about Anger in my journal earlier.

The Ducks were winning and in the last seven seconds, the Kings tied for game 1 of Round Two Playoffs Series.  The Kings scored in overtime and we lost.  It was heartbreaking. I was thoroughly disgusted.

Today, I plan on lazing around and recuperating.  I have some pets that feel the same way.

A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials. – Seneca

When pain is shared, the suffering is halved.  When happiness is shared, the joy is doubled.

With open arms and a listening heart, I hear about people’s complaints, problems and fears.

Fear is paralyzing.  It is reasonable and recommended to be aware of one’s surroundings but accidents, intentional drama and spontaneous tragedy still exists around the world with or without all the precautions, worry and anxiety we can carry around.  You still have to live, not die to your life.  Fear stunts growth and limits possibilities.

I always try to appreciate how it could have been worse.  At least I am here to tell about it.  I begin there.  From that perspective – I can add 5 more things I am grateful for.  Five more things I am thankful I have, do not have or is going on right now.  And then everyday, I add five more instances or items.  I think and write – “I got out of bed. “  “I can feel the sun is shining” or “I notice it is raining.” “How wonderful that I have pets, legs, food, etc.”  It does not matter how obvious, small or taken for granted it has been before.  In this way, little by little, the field of vision changes.  Writing it down in black and white keeps it practical and real.  Keeping a Gratitude Notebook changes your attitude.

It also helps to be connected and surrounded by people who want the same thing.  Find companions filled with solution to their problems.  Become a member of a spiritual group that understands acceptance (which does not mean approval or liking it).  It takes willingness to ask for help, to listen and then behave according to right action.  It takes practice. We never turn into perfect human beings without doubt, defects, difficulties and fear yet we are responsible to transform, improve and go deep. We can help others when we share our experiences; validating, warning or educating each other.  How else do we evolve emotionally and intellectually furthering the species?  Wise council, kindred spirits and loving friends help us survive.  It is crucial to become interdependent.

It is the minutia that puts us over the brink.  It is the dangerous neighborhood called your brain that can send you off a cliff.  It doesn’t matter what it looks like on the outside, we live in our heads, between our ears with our thoughts (sometimes deranged ones at that).  It is our reactions and attitudes that determine if we are happy or not.  It’s a decision.

It is not to say that it does not matter where or how you live.  Of course, those things will weigh in – but acting and coming from a place of love, compassion and forgiveness for oneself can deeply transform you.  You begin to opt for better, more appropriate, sane decisions and responses.  You find clarity and peace.

We all have opportunities to awaken, change and move forward.  But we do not always want to listen or are ready.  Sometimes staying in denial or labeling ourselves as victims is the best we can do or expect thus thwarting our potential.  Introspection takes courage.  Fear, dread, drama, bad news, tragic events, gossip is all very intoxicating to the lesser, negative side of us.  Why else would rubbernecking be a thing?

That too, is a decision, taken over and over, to bravely seek growth.

It is a miracle when you shift your perception.

When I am not living completely in faith, trust and love – I lose part of myself; and part of my time here on earth.  When I am scared to live, I am dying.  I cannot be of service to anyone when I am in self-centered fear.  I am an example when I am in love with the knowledge that I am love, and so are you.  The Infinite Creative Force only wants us to be happy with ourselves, joyous with others and free of fear.

Life’s challenges are signals to look within.  We all have invitations to respond with fear or love.  We all have obstacles to conquer and no one is exempt.

I know, without help and support; I could not have handled even a small fraction of my illusions or frustrations.  May I look for confidence, encouragement and nourishment and not be too isolated inside my fear, too attached to the ego, too concerned with appearances, to pursue wellness – even when I am feeling extremely vulnerable.

I come from a simple place of eternal love I am blessed to recognize and share with you.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. – E.E. Cummings

The intensity of your interest turns into passion when you release it.

Discipline is Mind Training.

The Great Source is the field of potential and I need to keep the space in my brain open by quieting the mind.

The responsibility for right-mindedness is mine.

Here, I am doing what I have been told to do even if my trainer is on vacay!  Atta Girl!