Last night, we went out to eat at Prime Cut Steakhouse.  You might say, “What were you doing there – aren’t you vegan?” Yes. But not everyone is, so we have to accommodate.  We sat outside with our precious Cindi, under an umbrella and tree shade.  There was a breeze and we had the entire patio to ourselves.  A sculptural and large fountain nearby afforded us relief from noise.

For starters, we enjoyed an avocado, jicama, onion, cilantro, roasted corn and poblano pepper chopped salad, served with crispy, salty, perfect corn chips.

Later, I delved into their tomato basil soup and mixed greens salad.  Sorbets without dairy are served as a dessert option.  This is a great place to buy your movie theatre ticket at a discount too as it is prominently located by Century on Katella in Orange.

As a rule and in order to follow my anti-anxiety class instructions, I don’t listen to the news. Lately though, I have felt the urgency to tune in anyway.  What was I thinking?  I feel I am spiritually fit, mentally strong and emotionally balanced and then I subject and expose myself to a barrage of negative information.  The onslaught of chaos is just like I left it, in tatters.  Why did I believe otherwise?

Needless to say, the news brought on opinions and frustrations I am documenting and pouring out into personal journals so I don’t bore or enrage you.  The deluge of feelings, contradictions and questions I have, had me coming to 3 conclusions.  1) I did not cause this mess. 2) I ain’t going to ever fix it and 3) I can only control my own thinking, words, responses and actions. There are a lot of options: I can change my mind, I can choose differently, I can close my eyes, I can get involved, I can become jaded, I can get incensed, etc.

Right now, I am very disappointed in the human race.  And when has that not been the case?

To re-group, I need to keep the focus on my behavior.  I intend and insist on remaining and being all about the love.  I know love is the only answer.  I know there is a spiritual solution to every problem.  My only course of action today is to profess, be and express love.  I need to let it begin with me.  I am in a suspended state as I rise above my judgments, criticisms and stories.  Maybe tomorrow there will be peace.  Maybe not.  Meantime, I must appreciate my good fortune and fill MY heart with forgiveness and compassion.

Whenever I forget who I really am and what my one focus and purpose should be at all times, I get a little nudge and remember – oh yea!  Forgiveness is the means to it and gratitude is the quickest way I know how to get to forgiveness.

Love.  It is my priority and the only thing that makes sense in this crazy world.  This is where my peace lies.  Good thing I get reminders to stay on this track from some pretty awesome spiritual teachers.

Getting off the Merry – Go – Round Thinking

Are your thoughts driving you crazy?  Has meditation eluded you?  Do you wake in the middle of the night with worry and continue to spin until the alarm wakes you?

You can 1) pray and/or 2) you can let go and let God and/or 3) you can turn your thoughts around and use the power of your subconscious mind.

A rule of thumb for praying is usually not to expect the outcome you desire but that whatever happens, you can be strong enough to handle it. And, that can include windfalls of money, job opportunities or relationship successes because even the ‘positive’ results can challenge us.

Letting go is surrender.  What does that look like to you?  Specifically? It can be different for everyone.  Some people need to let go of anger over everything.  Others just want relief from their own moodiness or to release sadness.  Letting go of your timetable or control over events and people is a head start.  A sense of powerlessness may depress, unless you squarely let go of it completely and hand it over to the Universe or your Higher Power or Goddess.

I usually have to be aware of my holding on to something in the first place.  Then I get into acceptance and can let it go, but not always.  I can become doubtful or take it back.

It helps to imagine sending it (whatever IT is) up in a balloon or inside a bubble or writing it down and placing it in a God box (where you leave it) or picture clouds overhead and letting it travel slowly on by.

And then, there is the knowledge that you can turn your thoughts around or choose which thoughts to entertain.  Revising, updating and expanding your belief system can give you back confidence, direction and happiness.  Knowing you are born to be the best you can be, not the worst or a so-so version, can do wonders to uplift.  Give your undesirable old tape recordings in your mind the boot and etch new neural pathways of positive, productive and grander thoughts in your brain.   This is why affirmations work for some people.  Not for everybody, though.  If you don’t sincerely believe what you are telling yourself, it’s not going to fly with your subconscious because we are too smarty pants and know better.  If you are an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, it will backfire.

But, if you remember your purpose, that you are made of love to love and be love, then you have a good foundation in which to re-route your debilitating, useless and energy draining self-talk.

All of these actions take practice.  Very few people on this earth ever graduate into enlightenment 24/7.  But here and there, every once in a while, you can catch yourself and pray, let go and change your thinking.  Picking yourself up again is the only reason we fall.

It takes courage and fortitude to remember and implement praying, letting go and changing your perspective but when we do, it is a miracle and there are miracles happening all around us, all the time.  Discard the rest.

Marguerite by Guy Rose (1867 – 1925)

This weekend was spent just resting, reading and relaxing.  Ok. So a lot of time was spent munching and watching 21st century TV too.  But basically, all I wanted for my birthday weekend was to stay at home and chill.  And chill, I did.  Now it is on to the rest of the year and getting a few more things accomplished.

In which ways do you like to unwind?  What helps you disconnect from the world and connect you back to self?  How do you spend your precious “free” time?

Paris, 2014, Jens Voigt’s last sprint on the Champs, after 17 years of surviving le Tour, is pure bittersweet theatre.

The second to place overall French rider, Jean Cristophe Peraud, crashes around a turn on the cobblestones, and as a gentleman’s agreement, the entire bike throng slows down so he can catch up and remain the 2nd place winner.  Good old fashioned class acts.

The sprinters hear the last bell as the race circles for the last lap and the German, Marc Kittel, wins the City of Lights stage, by pedaling past Kristoff, who looked like he would win,  at the very last second before the finish line, and it is vintage, surprising, anything can happen, drama.

Now, France is back on the podium, after twenty years, two cyclists finish 2nd and 3rd.  A Classic comeback for the French.

And, Nibali of Italy wins after winning the other grand tours – La Vuelta de Espana and El Giro de Italia, making him one of a very select few that have ever won all three and truly the best athlete in the world this year.  Impressive, spectacular and breathtaking Hard Work and Self Belief is what it took.

Just finished Isabel Allende’s Zorro.   I finally got my hands on her first novel written in 1983, translated in ’85 and made into a movie in 1994, starring Jeremy Irons, Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, Winona Rider and Antonio Banderas – which lo and behold I have never seen.  Probably because the early ’90s revolved around pregnancies, babies and toddlers  – not indie movies.  The only movie I remember seeing when I was pregnant with my second was (the ‘One’ night I went to the dollar AMC where there is a Walmart now) A River Runs Through It (the first time I saw Brad Pitt in a movie BTW) and of course, Jurassic Park, when V was just 7 days old (because her brother was fanatical about all things dinosaur) and Alladin, Toy Story, etc…But somehow I missed The House of Spirits.

Recently, I read Daughter of Fortune and Portrait in Sepia.  Read Daughter first, Sepia is a sequel, unbeknownst to me.

From Zorro’s bi-cultural roots, born in 1790, wherein his maternal grandmother guides him through a vision quest in California to Zorro’s honing of his fencing skills in troubled Spain and back to his homeland, Allende takes us through historical moments braided and woven into intricate backstories of brotherhood and justice – always righting the wronged.  The way the author wraps up stories, returns back full circle to events, dialogue and clues, is precise and satisfying to the reader.  Her team of researchers find and check all her injections of true facts into the tale so that the events become part of the plot and the characters display authentic voices of the era.

Summer is a great time to read.  Allende is a great author to read if escape to another time and place with depth of perception is where you want to imagine yourself being in these next few hot weeks.