My attitude and perspective makes all the difference.

I am most comfortable when I detach from outside issues and just focus on my own behavior, demeanor and thinking.

A commitment to self and focus on self has to happen. I need to keep my side of the street clean and not take things personally.

Waking up with my doggie and a cup of java is one of my favorite times of the day. I love the morning and the hope of it being brilliant.

When I prepare my husband’s dinner and he walks through the door, that is another special time of day.

A wise, supportive, happy woman told me that our relationships need to fill us up.

“Real peace is always unshakeable… Bliss is unchanged by gain or loss.” – Yogi Bhajan

If you were a tree, which branches would be Happy?

Which of your branches would be Sad?

For me, I am joyful when I recognize and have a sense of humor. Who doesn’t love the release of laughter? When I give, I receive, so that makes me feel good too. I have a sunnier disposition when I am grateful.

The other side of the coin shows up mainly as expectations. I disappoint myself with my procrastinating, lazy ways. My scattered brain seems so disorganized and that frustrates me. When I am in fear, which is nearly all the time, I feel like I cannot rest, like my dog, Cindi, one eye open waiting for the next person to walk by so she can bark at them.

I know one thing. Becoming too attached to outcome, being hooked into the external, basing my happiness on others instead of myself, doesn’t work. Finding the worthiness to be okay with doing something for myself, has taken a long time to grasp.

Something startled me on Nov. 8th.

In shock, terror and horror, I began to panic and grieve.

I was in genuine disgust and felt absolutely hopeless and so very cynical.

The sky was falling. The apocalypse was surely in full swing.

Then I was angry, frightened. I lashed out on FB.

All I saw was hatred and old white men, young blond women. It was FOX news running on a loop on every channel in my night sweats.

Now, I am in action and solution.

But, it takes what it takes and it is what it is and it needs to look the way it needs to look in order for anyone to process surprise, death, disappointment and even success!

I can’t say that this was a linear procedure. I have been up and down and all around. Nothing worthwhile is easy.

Here is what I found out.

Here are My 10 steps to feeling like I am in the NOW again, and made it out alive!

Feel free to use this next time you are in an emotional quandary or existential jam.

1. Allow yourself time, whatever it takes. There is no timeline and people who say “get over it already” are probably shallow and intolerant, never mind clueless to your pain.
2. Do not isolate. Speak to others, argue, commiserate, just allow yourself to get it out.
3. Write about it and maybe throw away your ranting.
4. Eventually, open up, don’t close down and in. Be willing to open ever so slightly. Invite the light to shine on your darkness.
5. Listen. Watch. Listen. Evaluate. Rant some more. Cry.
6. Know yourself. Come back to center. How am I going to be able to go on? I meditated before, during and after – this helped me get to the miracle part! Have a daily sit down. It is never too late to contemplate your existence and place in this world and beyond.
7. Ok. Acceptance is key. Now what? Get back to your core values and your life instead about obsessing on the loss.
8. Find the silver lining, the lesson learned, the new action plan or how you are going to fit in in the new reality without censoring, diminishing, conceding, compromising, conforming, constricting or sacrificing your true spiritual or worldly self. Be clear!!!! This is a turning point – do not skip!!!!!! It’s where we find out what we are made of and who we really want to grow into.
9. Get into action. Find support. Let what doesn’t belong to you take care of itself and let it go so you can move forward.
10. That being said, moving forward and through (not around, bypassing it or half way) any major disaster, tragedy or unforeseen circumstance takes courage, willingness and enough humility to:

a) Ask for help.

b) Find a spiritual solution that connects you to your source and…

c) Finally, creating alchemy. Transform into your new, empowered, emboldened, confident self by finding a way to help others, spinning it into fine threaded gold, for all who want to participate in weaving the cloth into an ever evolving tapestry of hope, a wellspring of love, a glorious fabric of joy and a tender hearted look at the world around us.

The fun part is – you are never going to guess what all of this is going to look like or how it will show up. It is never what, when or how we expect it to appear but it always secretly, instantaneously or over time emerging as the best scenario, for the highest good if you have taken the ten steps seriously. I can guarantee this.

Your best self (the one you would be proud to show up at the gates of heaven with) shows up during difficult times with a small investment in introspection which admittedly takes time and substance.

But your worst self “wins” if you rely on your HUGE, self-centered, bigly (yup, that is a word now) victim sized ego.