Sometimes in life, suffering a little is better than not because it moves you forward, deepens your commitment and elevates your desire.
Rarely is suffering not attached with a gift.
On the other hand, when the road is too easy, paved with lots of advantages, praise, encouragement and/or money, it can keep you unfulfilled, unsure and weak.
To self empower ourselves we need to develop strength and earn another vertebrae in our spine.
I am always letting ego get in the way. Seldom do I let ego go. But that’s exactly when time, space and just being flows, when I let ego take a break. That’s what they mean by “Get out of your own way” and “check and leave your ego at the door.”
How is the true artiste or authentic self supposed to bubble up if the ego says, “What will others think?” or “You’re too old for that.” or “You should be paid for it.”
My spirit says, “Let me channel through you.” and “It’s never too late.” and “Do it because you love it.”
My disciplined yet loving self says, “Eat healthy, clean and think before you eat and be grateful and purposeful.” It wants the best for me and has good intentions.
The ego only cares about instant pleasure and doesn’t really care about me or the big picture. It says, “Go ahead – you deserve it because_____.” It tricks me. It’s motives are suspect.
Is it my ego or highest self that wants this or that?
It is valiant to honestly consider who is living me.
So I have been bitten by the whole chalk painting bug that is going around, apparently.
With my old love of repurposing and renewing, I have dived into my long lost love of crafts. For a time I was big on scrapbooking and I have much invested in stamping and card making, as well. I also made my own paper after visiting a craft fair in Palm Springs, way back when.
When the kids were younger, I painted, sponged, mod podged and stenciled wooden signs and furniture for their rooms and such.
I started a business teaching cooking, making and selling soaps and lotions and for the last 5 years, yoga. I dabbled in metaphysics and I still clear spaces for people.
I raised our children and volunteered at their schools. I became a master gardener and answered the hotline.
I am currently tutoring Spanish for a friend’s daughter and I am in the midst of this remodel.
My love of reading and writing is still very strong but I have only published a few articles here and there for free throughout the years. Of course, this is almost the end of my 3rd year blogging, if that counts.
It’s time to back track and paint again!
Here is a fill in the blank I created in order for you to start thinking before New Year’s.
This year, I want to________.
I want to do it because _______.
I need to first _______.
I want it to _____ and _____ and _____.
I am a _____. I am a ______. I am the ________.
I have always liked ______. Maybe I could _________.
I love _______ and how _________ to others.
Why haven’t I _______? Am I full of ____ or _____?
I am grateful for _______ and (list as much as you want).
I believe _____. That is why I ______. I let others ______.
I thought I would never ______ or always ______ but I ________.
I respect _____.
What did you learn?
As we hide away from all the noise and work, I am taking it easy today and just resting with spa music and reading decor books and magazines.
Wouldn’t it be grand, I was thinking, to have a zen like garden. A contemplation “jar din” with restful, seated and gravelly, walking areas? Sounds just about right. Maybe a round, wooden bench, circling our big California Pepper, maybe a bridge over a smooth, grey-blue stoned pond or a covered deck under the eucalyptus trees.
This vision immediately lowers your blood pressure, breathes you slower, deeper and longer. A garden sanctuary is a place to unwind, slow down the pace. It makes you want to sit and pause and think and watch natural life around you.
With our butterfly bush, fruit trees, sunken kitchen garden, compost area, aloes and grass, there are a lot of flying, crawling, colorful wonders.
It was good today to just sit in the warm yet tolerable sunshine, lounging by the pool, imagining myself and others, meditating, pouring tea and languishing amongst arched structures, stone angels and swirling pathways edged by lavenders and grasses.
The patina we acquire as we age is in direct proportion to our most hidden, secret gardens in our souls.
Never lose your appreciation for the simplicity in beauty and you will always be in awe of the complexity in life.
Namaste
So, the whole upstair’s carpet has been yanked out except for the room where the cats are safely tucked into and the room where all the furniture is hanging out. Even our balcony is being used to warehouse our washer and dryer. Yikes!
Once the layers of underlay were lifted, unfortunately, visibly and much to our chagrin, specialists have to be called in and level our entire upstairs with paper, metal lath and cement. Clearly, this is putting a dent in our budget and time span. There is always at least one hiccup that causes a delay and requires more investment, even on HGTV fixer uppers.
Originally, each room was going to be done one at a time. This was perfect for convenience. Now it seems while the crew is trying to fix our very own tower of Pisa plus uneven substructure, the flooring team will rip out and start on the downstairs. In this scenario, there is no where to hide except the sun room where we decided (thankfully) to keep what we had.
Last night I slept in the den with our electric fireplace on. Very cozy. I stayed up late “watching” reality TV as a backdrop but mostly reading decor books, filling my head with more improvements or creative and inventive fixes, till I felt it was time to turn in. Since our master is unusable, my hard working husband slept in a twin bed in V’s room. After a pretty poor evening of what here and there we could call sleep, I have decided to move into the back room where M and J usually stay, just for the evenings till we get our quarters back.
I visit and feed the cats at least twice a day. Eventually, they will have to be moved so we can float a new floor in there too. Good luck to me getting scratchy, easily perturbed and uncooperative Cappucina the cat to a new, protected area where all feline furry friends will be out of harm’s way. One never knows if the front door will be carelessly left open, so I am staying home and canceling everything. Somehow, our empty nest dog, Cindi, sleeps through the sawing, pounding and nail gun noise if I am with her but gets super anxious if I am not around. I need to babysit the pets and reassure them, as they know not what is happening.
It is an interesting remodel, at least our twelfth as a couple if I am counting right and including landscaping projects. Probably if we had a thirteenth, we’d have a nervous breakdown. I forgot everything takes twice as long as everyone tells you and costs twice as much as you budgeted and planned for. We are trying to take it all in stride but instead of wanting our two front teeth for Christmas, we just want to be able to have two new floors. Back in the day, someone came up with the quote, “What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” We must be Hercules and the Amazon queen.
Priorities become apparent during a remodel. Especially since you have to do one thing before another or you are backtracking and messing up the logical sequence of construction and prior work. We will have patched up walls and ceilings for the holidays, no decor, fresh paint or colored lights because it is what it is and after all – all that really matters is our chickadees will be home, we will be together and it will all be worth it in the end.
According to famed meditator, writer and Buddhist Stephen Levine, there are three kinds or levels of giving which loosely described are:
Next time you decide to be generous, consider your intention.
No matter what I think my plans are, they turn out differently every time!
But that’s ok, that’s what makes you flexible, right?
Going with the flow is actually easier than fighting what is going to happen anyway.
It never looks the way you think it will.
As I first heard on Top Chef #1- First Season – (over a decade ago) – “It is what it is.”
The last two days have been all about adding lights, switches, dimmers, sockets and new fixtures to enhance and modernize our empty nest sanctuary.
The thing I haven’t mentioned that I forgot about remodeling is the drywall and saw dust that accumulates and settles on absolutely everything in every nook and cranny and is continouosly and curiously enough still around for about two months.
No matter how much you vacuum, sweep, dust, mop or clean in whatever manner you can think of, when you turn your back, it’s there again.
Yea. We forgot about that.
I can accomplish anything I set my mind to.
Granted, I really, really, really must want to accomplish it and be willing to do anything (like walk on hot coals) to succeed.
I don’t care how old I am. I still have the capability of moving, thinking and breathing (thank G) and nothing can stop a willing, competent and able woman!