Furthermore, we find peace of mind in acceptance. Even though acceptance does not mean approval or tolerating unacceptable behavior – it does mean you have to come to terms with a fact, not as you want it, but as it is. It replaces the illusion of control. In essence, an admission we are not in charge of the universe nor does it revolve around us.

For sure, others, not in our particular dilemma, undoubtedly see it clearer than us. Haven’t you in turn solved plenty of headaches for your friends? It is easier to discern what to do when we are not directly involved. For this reason, counseling and therapy services help us.

As an anxious worrier, I concentrated on how to fix other people and the world. A born critic, I wake up negative until I force myself to pray, meditate and affirm a positive outlook. It’s genetic. I come from generations of judgmental, fearful and controlling women, on both sides. Apparently, my primitive female ancestors sat around the village campfire gossiping, complaining and catastrophizing while braiding hair or weaving baskets. Despite my heritage and nature, I now know, the solution lies with me. By placing responsibility on me and what I need to resolve, sort out and re-think, my attitude emerges as an internal barometer of my serenity.

From upcoming Book

June 5 – Acceptance Lessons

“It is not God’s will merely that we should be happy, but that we should make ourselves happy.”  – Immanuel Kant

The answer to our problems arise from a spiritual or psychic change in perspective. When I first realized I had a problem with alcohol, I just wanted to moderate. When I couldn’t sustain that – I tried to abstain by using self-help books, online groups and white knuckling. And, finally when all else failed and I was desperate, I walked into the rooms of recovery. I not only admitted out loud to strangers I was an alcoholic with tears welling in my eyes, I accepted I had hit bottom and this was the last option left to me. Gratefully, a door of hope was open and welcoming. No amount of human urging could have made me come to the conclusion I was finished with drinking. I truly believe it was divine intervention and a miracle I went for help. Acceptance needs to be our response to baffling, complex disturbances. We can unravel, untangle, seek results and discover an explanation once we accept the evidence. If we remain offended, repulsed or unsatisfied with a concern or argument, we stay stuck in the condition. Instead of wasting time invested in anger, we could resolve our trials with the mere acceptance of reality. If I had stayed in denial, I wouldn’t be sober today, writing this book.

FROM UPCOMING BOOK:

June 2 – Acceptance of Self

“The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect.” –  Brene Brown

 When convinced we are not enough – that we must do, pay or work more to be accepted – we cannot grow into our best selves. If we have abandonment issues, pity parties or any sense of lack, we are not realizing the truth of how loved we are. It requires no special treatment nor awards to trust in our heart of hearts, we are here for a reason. You may cite 1000 reasons why you are not loveable, recount in one hundred ways how awful you are and offer one million excuses for not being adequate. Nevertheless, you are worthy, adored and capable in your Goddess’s eyes. Unconditional love’s light is shining on you today. Do not block the compliments, say ‘thank you’, instead. Notice how receiving praise with sincerity, feels to you.

When I was in college, a roommate encouraged me to volunteer for peer counseling training. At the end of the semester, we each had to sit in a “hot” seat and hear glowing testimonials about ourselves without wincing. We nodded to confirm we heard it and then said ‘thank you’. Listening to tributes and flattery was the hardest thing to swallow for an insecure person with low self-esteem. And to varying degrees, we all had trouble with sincerely acknowledging the adulation but none offering it.

Peer into a mirror today and say ‘I love you’. It is difficult and uncomfortable. But, your sense of worthiness comes from within, not from without. No measure of outward appearances, physical possessions or public accolades can give you what you seek inside. Relationships, investments and material success do not make us content. At least, until we accept and apply unconditional love to ourselves. Comparisons to others, disguises and masks –  hide, confuse and obscure our natural spiritual brilliance. The simple lesson is knowing you are enough. You are worthy of blessings, respect and affection along your self-realization travels. Right where you find yourself, right here in this moment, is always where the perfect self is loved by the Divine.

Welcome and embrace yourself today with all of your personality and body flaws. Practice accepting yourself as the whole package. Of course, we continue tweaking and improving ourselves but let the obsessive ‘perfectionist’ go. Keep telling yourself you are enough. We need to resurrect the ‘me’ inside that came to this earth untethered by criticism and shame. Before she believed in everyone else’s expectations, before she thought misbehavior, making mistakes and misperceptions meant she was an unacceptable miscreant.

In my past, physical abuse, an unhappy, unsafe home with language and cultural barriers were the norm. For too long, I walked through self-doubt and self-loathing. I listened to people willing to support self-flagellation and renounced those who saw the goodness inside. To conquer the damage done, I gravitated towards love. And, if I can connect to that integrity and innocence of self with my background, I have faith you can and will too.

Love involves forgiveness, gratitude and acceptance. Your self-love and acceptance develops into self-esteem. And, although it is not an easy road, this is the solution. Find your crevices of pain and dig out the marrow with a fine dental tool and you will resuscitate the virtue of your soul. Dr. Seuss was a brilliant man who taught me and all three of my children to read. He said, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind”.  Surround yourself with a cheering crowd who want the best for you, who look out for your highest interests, and you can walk this talk, too.

Craving approval from and catering to another’s happiness is not more important than your own admiration, confidence and joy. Outside sources will not fill your well with affirmation. First, it’s an inside job. The rest, if it comes, is icing on the cake.

I trust my inner knowing to lead me to truth, authenticity and acceptance.

THINK ACTION: Are you willing to accept compliments? Your whole self? and Unconditional Love? Do you accept anyone in your life fully even when they annoy or frustrate you? Do you forgive others easily but are hard on yourself? Does your future hold more investigating into this topic? If so, what is your strategy? Who do you listen to? The angel or the devil on your shoulders? How does listening to your inner critic versus your inner child of pure heart feel? When will you release damaging words and people that harm and instead invite willing, positive words and souls into your life with open arms? What do think would happen to you if you believed, loved and accepted yourself, completely and unconditionally? What small action could you take today to steer you in this direction?

We have lived in this house for twenty years today. We have come a long way from eating Chinese food out of the box in our papered kitchen on a grass green iron garden table. What a messy but oh happy day it was. So much has changed since then. Gratefully, our gardens never looked better nor have our books and reading areas ever looked neater.