day 121- Prof. Brown, part two

I didn’t take French again, didn’t even want to hear it, until a chance meeting with my BFF who was in the same Linguistics 101 class I had signed up for on a lark.  I was considering going into teaching Spanish and this was a requirement for the Secondary Education Language Certificate.  I just wanted to see if I liked it.

I LOVED Linguistics and etymology.  If there had been a career in researching the origin of words, I would have furthered that line of work.

Students were going off to the Peace Corps to teach English and it was a requirement for them.  Later, both my BFF and I ended up teaching English as a Second Language too as the schools on both coasts became heavily impacted with refugees and immigrants in the 1980’s.   She was taking Linguistics for her Certificate to teach Italian, having studied in Italy and adoring it.

First day of class, my BFF and I hit it off.  I know now it was fate and the attraction for me came from her cheery, rosy-cheeked demeanor and her lavish fashion and design sense of how to adorn herself with color, flair and aplomb.  Her disposition, I soon observed, was equally enthusiastic, uplifting and notoriously positive.  A fun loving, bubbly woman, laced deep as an ocean and warm hearted as a fire in a hearth,  I learned over time.   She invited me to take French 101 with her which she encouraged was still available and delightful, and I told her I was a bit gun shy and why.  My BFF is uber persuasive and a determined person, especially if she feels strongly.  She had me meet her at the next appointed session.

 

day – 120 – Professor Brown -Part One

I remember, back in the day, way back when, around 1978-9, I chose to get a W (withdrawal) from the State University at Stony Brook in a French class.  A German professor who hated the French and certainly despised teaching the language was our Professor.

I thought it would be a no-brainer to take French 3 since I had excelled in and loved the French language all through junior and high school.  I had taken the NY Regent’s test in it and I had scored high.  J’aime beaucoup le francais. 

My dream was to go to France someday, especially the City of Light and actually speak French with French people in France.  Kind of like the kick I got out of watching a Russian Ballet in 2009, as they performed Tchaikovsky’s Swan Lake in St. Petersburg, where the great composer, whom I have always adored, wrote the famed dance.

French 3 with Professor Brown, the scowler, was an exercise in tediousness.  Exercise after exercise of mindless fill in the blank sentence structures and the conjugating of verbs without explanation or reason.  His snarling accent cut into the fluidity of French articulation as if he was spitting out glass.  He chopped and chewed up what was musically attractive to me about the French nasal and singsong pronunciation.  He destroyed the sexy sound; the grand cadence of a Latin based Romance language with all the dispassionate and frigid disinterest of a disrespectful ignoramus.  I had never heard such horrible French spoken, as if on purpose, had never witnessed such a burned out teacher, and all encompassed in the same person.

It was worse, literally, than nails on a chalkboard (which is what we used in those days).

I complained to the head of the department, Dr. Tursi, took a W, and dropped out.

day 88 – Listening to Love

I practice principles that I find support my getting closer to the gal I have always wanted to be.  Metabolizing love on a continuous basis is what it’s about right now.

What a better time than a week away from St. Valentine’s Day to muse on LOVE.  Not just romantic love, although that has its merits – but on Being Love, Doing Love, Acting and Thinking Love.

The word for Heart in French is Coeur and in Spanish it is Corazon.  Both these words derive from the Latin root for Courage.

It takes Courage to stand by your principles.  It takes Love to agree to disagree with others.

It takes Courage to do the thing we are afraid to do.  It takes Love to bear a child and raise him/her.

It takes Courage to be vulnerable.  It takes Love to open up your heart to give and receive.

Julia Cameron, author of the classic The Artist’s Way has pointed out that the word HEART has the words ear and art in it.  We need to listen to our art.  And our art is usually any gift or talent we feel is our purpose.

Listening to your Heart sometimes belies all practical indicators to the contrary.  If I hadn’t listened to my heart, I wouldn’t have braved coming back to the USA on my own in my late teens to be with my beloved.  If I hadn’t listened to my heart, I would not be with this man today.  If I hadn’t listened to my heart I would not have had any children, or continued my pregnancy when I was told my second child might not be 100% healthy. If I hadn’t listened to my heart, she would not be off at college so very far away.   If I hadn’t listened to my heart, I would have been against much of what they have done differently with their lives and their time and not be able to let them go.  If I hadn’t listened to my heart, they wouldn’t have grown into the extraordinary adults I am grateful to know and have in my life.

When I don’t listen to my heart and my mind and my strong will or stubbornness takes over, my choices are poor at best and detrimental to everyone.  It’s a ripple effect.

But, luckily that goes both ways.

I must confess. It is often those who have my best interests at Heart that straighten me out.  They Love me enough to tell me what my selfish ego does not want to entertain.  I listen because I know a Divine Being uses people in order to speak to me.  When I have acted from my Heart, when I come from a place of love and compassion, I find relief, comfort and understanding.  I enter a spiritual knowing.

When I listen to my heart, I have the courage to do whatever it tells me to do.

Be the Love. Be the Light. Shine it Bright. Imagine Goodness. Keep the Love and Light Close.

day 84 – Pasta Part 2, Chapter 3

Upstairs, I hear The Man of La Mancha album playing, my dad singing The Impossible Dream loudly, alongside Richard Kiley.  The song resonates with passionate lyrics and musical drama.  There is a grief and depth to its poetry that is akin to The Music of the Night sung by Michael Crawford in The Phantom of the Opera.  It makes me weep with its beauty and inconsolable sadness interpreted between the lines.

I watch as my Abuela places a large quantity of flour in the middle of the table, making a deep volcanic well wherein she expertly cracks three, whole, raw eggs into the core.  Slowly, from the sides of the heaped semolina floured hill, she cups the white dust into her hands.  She scatters the powder into the crater of yellow, jellied mounds. Gently, she incorporates the flour into the eggs, employing powerful and experienced forearms, wrists and hands. Dough is formed.

It was a messy yet magical process.  Unable to resist, I eagerly participated when my Abuela allowed me to.  Although it looked like fun – it proved to be an assignment for robust, skilled and mighty sinew.

Abuela divides the mother dough into an even amount of sections and rolls each glob into smaller round baby balls of satiny dough.  With a rolling pin, she flattens each on a lightly floured section of the table and then turns them clockwise. She irons out the wrinkles, continues turning and flattening all the way back up to twelve o’clock, then flips the pasta sheets over, like you rotate and spin a mattress.  Dribbling flour overhead like snow softly falling, she brushes her fingers over the smooth surface enlarging it further with her rolling pin, using the same process over and over until it’s the consistency and color of creamy muslin, the delicateness of a baby’s powdered bottom and the thickness and texture of velvet cloth.

The record player needle drops and the diamond point hisses as it swishes back and forth until it catches the groove and the LP album of West Side Story begins to play, starting with the overture.

Según  cuanta humedad haya es la harina que vas a necesitar,” (The quantity of flour is determined by the amount of humidity that you have) she explained simply.  “Tenes que tener cuidado porque si agregras demasiado, la pasta se endurecerá” (You have to be careful, because if you add too much, the noodles will be too chewy).

There was affection and memory in her work and conversation as she persevered past each stage of alchemic transformation, regaling me with tidbits of information and technical details enshrined in historical family customs.

She deftly spreads teensy amounts of flour onto the elongated flat sheets.  Abuela drizzles in flour, waving her hands, she sands, brushes, and sweeps as flour particles disperse with the bottom palm of her four fingers, side to side, up and down so that the pasta sheet is pampered with tenderness, thoroughness and attention.

I hear “I like to be in America, everything free in America” upstairs and mimic the heavy Latina accent and dance up a storm around my Abuela.  She laughs and roars with glee, completely enjoying my antics.  The scent of sauce fills the house. With every breath, I inhale tomatoes, onions, garlic, oregano and bay leaves into my lungs. I cannot wait to enjoy the fruits of our labor!

day 83 – Homemade Pasta Part Two – Chapter Two

Being an intuitive and creative cook, my mom never measured.  For her signature hearty Italian stew, she cooked several portions of beef, sometimes fowl, and mild, sweet Italian sausage in olive oil infused with fragrant, whole bay leaves.  The flesh sizzled as it seared.  Her trusted meat vendor in town saved her choice cuts.  She added slender slices of sweet green peppers, brown skinned onions and celery.  I peeled and she diced crunchy orange carrots and papery white garlic.  I opened and she added the contents of two or three cans of whole red tomatoes and a can of tomato paste.

I was taught to cook by layering, applying, editing, marinating and waiting – but mostly by tasting, smelling, listening and experiencing the preparation and finished product in all its stages.

But today, my grandmother was making and teaching me how to make homemade pasta downstairs in my mom’s sewing room.  My mom had embarked on the savory process earlier without my help.  I performed my Saturday chores, cleaning the bathrooms as well as tidying and vacuuming my bedroom.  Broadway tunes blasted from our RCA record player and stereo speakers as we worked

After stirring and surreptitiously tasting the sauce, I joined my Abuela (grandma) downstairs, in the hobby/laundry room.  She visited from Argentina and lived with us for a little under a year when I was ten years old.  She had scoured the silver splattered Formica topped table to a polish.  A strip of ribbed shiny chrome curved tightly around the edges of the table, like a rimmed, sleek headlight on a 60s winged Chevrolet, driven with swagger by a lacquered – haired rebel without a care in the world.  The table could be enlarged using an extra piece you inserted into the middle.  I helped center the wooden nubs into their respective holes from one end and pushed.

My mom spread, laid out, pinned and cut her inexpensive fabrics using sheer tan McCall or Simplicity patterns on the work surface, producing practical outfits for her daughters and herself.  I learned to make gnocchi, pasta, and pizza atop the smooth, level plateau.   I performed my home – schooled Spanish reading and writing on the sewing room “desk” while my mom manually pressed her foot on her Singer sewing machine or fed our clothes through the pins that squashed our laundry dry while she washed clothes.

Initially, when my parents immigrated from Argentina and lived in apartments, it was our kitchen table.  After purchasing our first home on Long Island, in the town of Kings Park, on Thistle Lane,  it morphed into a “behind the scenes” activity center.

day 82 – My story Homemade Pasta – Part TWO – Chapter 1

Some of you have read Part One.  Look in older posts or in Archives to retrieve it. I go into a detailed description of my grandmother and you will understand the context better. I am delivering installments of Part 2 over the next several days.  I hope you enjoy reading it, maybe smile and relive some of your own nostalgic moments in the kitchen or new history you are making.

Part 2 – Chapter 1:

I came down the stairs and smelled Italian tomato meat sauce wafting through the air.  It lured me into the kitchen like a Pied Piper flute.  Embellishing the sauce, my mom added and stirred in oregano, salt and red wine.

“Can I taste?” I pleaded.

“Not yet” she replied sharply, turning her head and giving me an “ I know what you are up to” look.

“Can I stir, then?” I pestered, using a different tactic.

“Ok. But don’t eat any yet. The flavors have to meld all day and if you start tasting now, there won’t be any left for the talllarines (noodles). ”

She was right.  My sister and I used to sneak into the kitchen all day and dip pieces of ripped off bread from a fresh Italian loaf and scrape what would stick to the sides of the pot as it condensed over hours of simmering.  Occasionally, we ducked the stolen morsel right into the sauce.  By the time dinner rolled around, more than half the sauce and all of the bread had just about disappeared thanks to our constant pilfering and “tasting.”

Growing up on Long Island, in New York state, I remember processed, packaged, frozen, boxed “food” just starting to appear and appeal to moms and growing families.  Prepared meals were widely distributed and marketed to housewives.  Every family on our horseshoe –  shaped block had one car, one garage, one driveway,  and most mothers didn’t even know how to drive.  We waited for my dad to come home from work to shop in the local supermarket or went on weekends.  My mom staunchly believed in green produce and home –  cooked meals.  My father insisted on it.  We sat at the octagonal dining table, never answered the door or phone during dinner and ate punctually five minutes after my dad came through the door of our house from his job as a design engineer.

day 68 – Managing Anxiety

I would like to share what I learned in Anxiety class over the next several days.

Seven ways to manage worry, fear, anger and anxiousness:

Breathing: Deep breathing, ten or more breaths into diaphragm X three times a day (or whenever) I know I have posted on this before, let me know if you want a refresher or check old posts.  Most effective and immediate go to technique to alleviate stress or discomfort.

Movement and Good Nutrition: Exercise, Play, Yoga, Swim, Tai Chi, Walk, Dance, Hike, any sport – just get sweaty or do something vigorously.  Lay off sugar, cake, cookies, junk, chips, fast food.  These two I put together.  Exercise releases negative energy and both can increase your life span and help you look younger.

Distraction: Thought stopping, Etch a sketch and erase by shaking negative thoughts, Listen to calm music, turn lights down, guided meditation, guided imagery where you close your eyes and visualize your happy place, Have a conversation with a supportive friend and Engage in any enjoyable activity or hobby like gardening, knitting, singing, stroking your pet, etc…

Tomorrow, the other four tools.  I encourage you to be aware of when you feel worry, anger or fear and try some of these outlets.  We all know this, it’s simple  – but it’s also good to be reminded of the things we need to be reminded of and I am hoping this helps everyone!

day 38 – Travelogue – Seattle – Part one

When it rains and storms, like in this instant -(the wind is literally howling through the gigantic pines) – It generates reminiscing.  I remember growing up on Long Island where moisture is always (duh, it’s an island) available.  Inclement weather patterns just make me introspective.

I also recall Berkeley, especially the time the girls and I visited their brother at Cal one January weekend.  We walked and walked for miles in the frigid rain, one umbrella (my leopard one).  They refused to use the less flashy, plain black umbrellas I packed.  Instead, all three of my darlings insisted on just covering their heads with hoodie jackets (not the rainproof kind, the sweatshirt kind).  I guess it’s just not cool anymore to stay dry.

I am reminded today of my most recent trip to Seattle to see my son and his girlfriend in their newly adopted city.  Watching Top Chef Seattle (I believe it’s the 10th season) and this storm I am experiencing up here in the mountains is making me relive that blistery, chilly, wet and teary – eyed three days of pure ‘mommy so proud of you and happy for you’ bliss.

I arrived at Tacoma, Washington airport early, second flight out of John Wayne in Orange, CA.  Lest no one tell you, you have to hop a subway in order to retrieve your luggage.  After successfully getting all that out of the way, I waited outside in the nippy, cloudy grey, drizzled air for my son’s girlfriend, J.   She scooped me up off the curbside waiting area almost as soon as I showed up and she whisked me off to my lodging accommodations.

I stayed in a wonderful suite at the Hampton Inn by their apartment in the quaint, residential Queen Anne neighborhood.   Unpacking by fireside, the small but well-appointed and newly remodeled space had a full kitchen (with granite counters!), a full marbled bath, a comfortable living/sitting area with a chic, minimalist and  ‘just turn it on with a switch/timer’ fireplace, a desk nook, an outdoor patio and a smartly laid out bedroom.  Designed with contemporary appeal, the rooms successfully spoke of the so-called Seattle label, ‘hipster’.  And using my AAA account, I congratulated myself, I scored a fantastic deal.

Back in the compact but roomy Toyota car, J drove us to meet up and pick M from outside his many-storied high building in the heart of Seattle’s downtown.  Neither visitors nor moms are allowed to enter or tour the top-secret goings-on and last minute developments of this highly visible, edgy, technological, consumer paraphernalia computer driven company.

“Why, M, you shaved off your beard!” I commented.  “You look like my young boy, again!” I blurted out, holding on to my seat belt in the backseat and leaning toward the front seat to at least touch and squeeze him on the shoulder with my gloved hand as he huddled in quickly and we steered away from the curb as the door latch closed shut.

“Yea, someone at work asked me if my parents were coming to town or something?” he explained and followed with, “Yup, my mom, I told them. Going to show her the town.”

I beamed.

Laughter, cheer and festive, amiable times were imminent, even in this inhospitable weather.

day 30 – Homemade Pasta, Part One – Chapter four,end of part 1

Abuela Estela recounted how she had learned how to make homemade pasta from her mother and her mother’s mother in the old country, in a beautiful village that overlooked the Mediterranean. Being the eldest, she watched over and helped raise her four siblings.  She was a beauty and a coquette, and she told all of her various suitors she hadn’t made up her mind about them, not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings.

”Your grandfather eventually put his foot down,” she snickered in her Italian-lilted Castilian Spanish, “and since he seemed like a gentle, warm and loving soul (saintly, according to all those who knew him), I agreed to stick to just courting him.”

My maiden name and my grandfather’s name is D’Angelo, which means from the angels – so the name fits.

I lamented I did not remember him. I had emigrated at the age of three.  He had since passed on while I was innocently and naively growing up and apart from my entire extended family.  It suddenly dawned on me that news of tragedy, birth, and all events were occurring very far away from my reality.  Grief, joy and its aftermath were not experienced without my participation, nor was I learning how to be a part of it.  I observed alone and processed in a vacuum.

In her Italian-lilted Castilian, she interjected, “Did you lock the side door when you came in?  With the chain bolt?”

“Yes, yes, yes.  Go on about what happened with Abuelo,” I pleaded.

“More tomorrow. It’s time to sleep now.  We need to get up early and I will teach you how to make homemade pasta.  It’s your daddy’s favorite meal and you should know how to make it,” she concluded.

I settled in and was lulled peacefully into a gentle, lasting dream state where expectations of delicious strings of chewy fettuccini hung above my mouth.  I tilted my head back and welcomed the warm and tasty dripping sauce in first, anticipating the first bite of my Abuela Estela’s sublime homemade pasta.  Satisfied, content and at rest, I fell into a deeply profound and calming sleep.