Doorway

I imagine my writing as a doorway. I want to enter from the exterior front door. It is a shiny ebony on a swath of white facade. Coming up one fifth up the hard stucco walls is grey stone. Slate and iron ore brick is my foundation. Greens and a carpet of muted colors live outside of me. Here and there an accent.

Meanwhile, blue voices sing in the sky.

There’s a window etched in an elaborate manner. It is held together with hope. This is the iris of my eye in the center of my door. The prism glass flashes light through a spectrum and rays bounce inside. A remembered line of thought passes through and is caught with a jerk and a wince. More often, the moment cuts across the dimensions sans recognition or pause.

With time and usage, my brass handle is muted and worn. Stained and distressed by years of intermittent polishing far and few between.

The black door opens and I enter my scattered mind. Nevertheless, palpitating beneath, I find a loyal and humorous heart.

Mountain Writing

Finally, I am here. I can regroup. I can write from prompts. Nothing intended. Just free form. Coherent only to me. Momentary insanity with a flowing rhythm of words that take on a life of their own and create themselves into a thought or a vision or a message.

Taken aback. In the zone. This is bliss. This is power. This is my mission.

Writing is a form of listening.

synchronicity – just read…

“I’ve seen women insist on cleaning everything in the house before they could sit down to write… and you know it’s a funny thing about housecleaning… it never comes to an end. Perfect way to stop a woman. A woman must be careful to not allow over-responsibility (or over-respectabilty) to steal her necessary creative rests, riffs, and raptures. She simply must put her foot down and say no to half of what she believes she “should” be doing. Art is not meant to be created in stolen moments only.”― Clarissa Pinkola Estés, author of Women who run with the wolves.

Capuchina

Our precious 17 year old gorgeous cat Capu has passed into the great big pet heaven in the sky. I imagine our previous felines are waiting for her over the rainbow,

Her kidneys were failing and she was walking wobbly due to loss of muscle. Plus, she wasn’t eating and hiding in the closet which along with the vet visit confirmed she was declining fast and probably in pain. Cats may not vocalize physical distress and instead as middle predator will hide and seek a place away from danger and want to be alone.

We had a traveling hospice vet come to our house and our family had the opportunity to say goodbye and see her off. It was an absolutely horrible choice to make but supposedly the most compassionate.

Although everyone says it’s the kindest way to go It still doesn’t feel good or even right. I imagine with the grief and sadness we will have lovely memories as well as guilt (we could have done more). Making this sort of final decision for a suffering animal is complicated and incomprehensible.

RIP Capuchina 2006-2023

Writing

I am excited about joining a new course that starts in January and lasts for 6 months. I have been hestitant to sign up because it will take commitment, consistency and discipline. I am not the picture of a structured or orderly life so I have been procrastinating making a decision. This writing course will demand I look inside deep and long as well as take much of my time. Therefore, I am being accountable to you, dear blog reader, even if it’s just me. I have tried in the past to write and made progress until I was given unwelcome criticism. Being thin-skinned is one thing but realizing it at this age is different.

How would my life had looked if I had more emotional regulation? What would I be doing if I had had the confidence? Where would my writing be now if I had developed a strong sense of self? What would my relationships feel and be like if I had learned to set boundaries? For that matter, if I had known what my boundaries were?

It’s now or never at this point, so I am diving in. Even if I don’t publish, I know I have a manuscript waiting to be birthed, a memoir perhaps, to sort it all out.

update on cindi and love

She’s feeling better!!!

Your spirit team wants you to know you are love and you are loved and supported!

Stay present in your presence of all that you are and YOU are divine!

Writing is a great tool to help you heal especially combined with meditation.

You are perfect as you are and yet improving on and growing into your authentic soul self is a noble and wonderful inner journey worth exploring.

The Next Few Days

What if in the next few days you realized who you really are and what your unique gifts were?

What if we focused on the excitement of living and not the terror?

What if you got out of panic mode, hateful speech, angry thoughts and instead, changed your direction and attention? This would cause the rising from low frequency to a higher emotion.

What if we starved our scary and instead loved and fed the good?

If we all raised our vibration, or enough of us did, we would create a loving, joyful, peaceful, compassionate, wonderful new earth.

Adapted from Pam Gregory’s u tube conversation with Nancy Rebecca about how to enlighten and help ourselves during this time in our lives.

Cindi as an elder

We have had Cindi now for almost 10 years. If you would like to see her beginnings and journey with us please write Cindi by the search button.

I call Cindi my daughter dog since we bonded immediately. Plus, back in January 17 of 2014, we were empty nesters and as you all know who have canine fur babies, they are like your children frozen in time in the infant to toddler stage.

Cindi has fallen ill and we still don’t know at this time what she has but her symptoms have all been taken care of with medicine for now except for her hacking/dry coughing.

We are wrought with worry for our baby girl. Please send up prayers or healing vibes to the universe. Much obliged.

quality vs. quantity

“May your years be counted not by your age but by how you spend your days”.

– Catherine Pulsifer (self-help book author)

May my hours not be counted by days but by how I spend these moments.

Yes, ideally, quality and quantity.

Always choose quality over quantity.

What is quality in a person? It is substance, excellence and integrity. So, a quality life are days filled with purpose, well-spent and aligned with your values.

What is quantity in a person? It is an amount, a dosage and a measurement. Therefore, a long life does not equate with its inherent value as a comparison.

I know my life as a whole has been eventful yet it is the days of sobriety that have matured and honed me. Alas, as I see it, the time I have invested in it is as important as the quality of my recovery.

Living your best Life

“If you are always trying to be normal, you will never know how amazing you can be”. – Maya Angelou

Oh Maya! Always on point and a reminder for my spiritual path on earth.

The ideal Authentic path for me would be to live with integrity, intuition, intelligence, intention, inspiration, involvement and with an Itinerary. I fail time and again to hit and check off all these boxes, but this is the dream. This is what would make me amazing.

To live with integrity is to do the right thing even when no one is watching.

To live with intuition is to listen to my gut and my first impulse for kindness instead of over analyzing with my logic or inner censors.

To live with intelligence is to check in with the present moment and not allow future tripping or distortion of reality by believing propaganda or lies.

To live with intention is to know right from wrong and follow the path of goodness.

To live with inspiration is to imagine a world of love, trust and respect for all sentient beings and Mother Earth.

To live with involvement is to participate and add to community, connecting with others, being of service and helping not hurting the collective.

To live with an itinerary is to actually have a plan and a timetable.

“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud” – Maya Angelou

I can at least endeavor to make someone’s day. That is amazing too.