Y3 – Day 18 – Meditation is Not for the Weak

I meditate to find stillness and peace. Although, many times, I find instead the three stooges. Not Moe, Larry and Curly but instead, resistance, misperception and resentment. I basically suffer through until I am ready to listen. Sometimes, I abandon ship before I feel settled or complete. This is real life after all.

When I have fallen out of meditative or mindful practice, when I have failed to reach that space between the breathing or I have completely forgotten what the intention was – I choose to try again. Persistence is the antidote to my resistance.

When I abandon gratitude and compassion, I am sinking back into my ego. My selfish and mean ego tells me awful, hateful things about myself. Then, in the midst of a meditation, I remember a sense of abundance and a feeling of mercy that washes over me. A reminder of my purpose on this life journey arises and the misperceptions step aside.

When I join and sign up for the suffering, chaos and drama, I lose all grips on reality. I am choked by fear. Then, I return to my breath, I empty my hands and my soul releases expectations, freeing me of resentment.

I allow the obstacles to fall away because I know my enemies now: stubbornness, judgment and anger. Previously stuck to the bottom of my ego like a barnacle bound to a ship’s hull, I am freed by my practice once more. Every nuance of meditating feels like a lifetime of sublime existence. Every moment I am fully conscious, I am timeless and every act of love seems to stem from this spacious awareness.

The true me, the authentic self I recognize is revealed via my listening to the highest self in quiet contemplation.

“The things that matter the most in this world, they can never be held in our hand.” – Gloria Gaither

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