day 187 – Sustenance

Around certain people, situations or events, I lose my resolve.  My daughter has been home for two and a half days, no two, if I count the actual hours…and I have already gained two pounds.

She is the greatest baker and not too shabby of a cook and a bit of a foodie.  Our conversation always comes right back around to the deliciousness of this or that and how to get the best flavor out of an ingredient or what new technique or gadget works or isn’t worth it, etc.  Books on food, fly between us and the best shows on TV are meal preparation related, according to us.

I have to add that my BFF (ML) is just as possessed and shares all these obsessions with us.  She can tell you exactly what she was eating, how it tasted and what was special or ordinary about the menu –  during pivotal moments in her life.  My daughter and her reminisce at New York City  fine dining establishments together and then I hear all about the food and finery by text or phone later from both.  Their experience feeds me.

Unfortunately for me, between the celebration of her homecoming, her edible delights (so far, a three layer chocolate cake from scratch with chocolate butter frosting and a version of minestrone soup with organic, roasted new potatoes on the side that an Italian grandmother would weep in ecstasy while devouring) and no will power on my part, I feel like I am on an ‘all you can eat, all day and night food fest’ cruise ship and my concerned doctor has ‘ordered’ me to put on a few pounds lest I wither.

Tonight, we will, like every Friday night since the kids were teeny, be going out for ‘family night out’.  We have all agreed on an Argentinian/ Italian/Official Neapolitan Pizza Maker Restaurant sure to urge our eyes to beg for more and to treat our taste buds as if they have never been here before. This is always a challenge for me.  I earned a U for Unsatisfactory in first grade for loss of self-control.  I believe it was for talking but I have never been a “balanced” person.

I usually white knuckle it through the bread basket and deprive myself then proceed to gorge later at home or the next time (because I deserve it since I was so reined in during dinner) or… once in a while I choose my food wisely in order to fit the diet of the month (yes, this has actually happened) only to pat myself on the back and cheat a little (because I conducted myself properly during dinner, don’t you know).  But if you have to analyze the menu and control your choices like a complex calculus equation so much, you know you have an issue with food.

Why can’t I just order whatever I want all the time?

Well, I have tried that, and gained a fast ten pounds in two weeks (no joshing, here).  Then, it takes me five strict months to lose them back.  I know some of you can relate because we whine and complain together at regular intervals.

Basically, I occasionally give myself a pass, spiral out of control, and then trudge my way back to sanity.

I probably shouldn’t ever take any liberties or let myself off the hook, but I am human.

Not only human, but also one with an insatiable appetite for life.  I savor life’s moments and I hunger for more. I desire, create and rejoice with food!  C’mon, doesn’t every culture have it’s own family epicurean gatherings and pride of certain delicacies specific to their region?

Oh well, I will focus and have discipline some other day.  Today, and this visit with my incredible daughter, will be all about relishing relationships, re-uniting with gusto and feasting in the affection as it nourishes us all, around the table, brimming with gourmand goodies.

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