day 59 – struggle

My struggle with Self.

Getting self to gym, getting self to stay away from sugar, saying positive things to self, leaving self reminders of kindness, keeping self away from opinionating out loud, alleviating self from drama, protecting self from snake pits, congratulating self when due (not being stingy to self with compliments), arranging and making quiet time with self, gently admonishing self when appropriate, and producing creative outlets for self.

The only safeguard self has is my connection to my Divine Source, thinking about and doing for others and listening to those beings that love or care for me.

I am going to be ok because thankfully I am not in charge of the Universe.

Today held much emotion for me.  I am detoxing from the Holidays, I haven’t eaten any animal product in eight days (and I intend to continue on a day to day basis to be vegan=writing it makes me accountable now), I gave up diet soda seven days ago, every action my teens take towards independence feels like a loss, it’s difficult to let go and I sometimes feel like I am just background noise or in a Twilight Zone episode of my own craziness.

I am grateful I shared today with others, because I am not alone.

Two moms commiserated, my trainer listened and sympathized and my husband agreed it wasn’t easy.

With this advice, understanding and help, I was able to process and have the intellectual knowledge go from my brain to my heart and come to a place of not only acceptance, but also of a pleasant awareness of the now, this moment, here.


And then a rainbow blossomed inside of me !

Sometimes the things worthy of saying or doing are the hardest and sometimes from the toughest times, the most beautiful memories shine forth.


2 thoughts on “day 59 – struggle

  1. I am so with you on all levels. It seems a lot of people are “recovering” from the holidays, and some, not so well.

    Your insight and attitude is infectious in a good way!

    Keep writing!! =0)

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