day 32 – My best self

Do you want to grow and be your best self, strive to reach your highest potential?

Have children. Then raise.

They will not only never let you get away with anything, they will also continually remind you of your double speak, mistakes and character flaws.

Seriously, if it wasn’t for our oldest, we might not have ever quit smoking, one of the worst vices we clung to from our teen years.  He harangued us all of his kindergarten and early years until we stubbed our Marlboro’s and Salem Light One Hundred’s out for good on Father’s Day weekend back in 1997, about three days apart.  He saved our lives.

How many times has my middle child called me on my hypocrisy, judgment or disingenuous gestures?  EVERYTIME!!! I haven’t gotten away with anything in her immediate radius since she was about ten.  And my kids have great hearing.  Even when I mumble under my breath.  Even when they are as far away as the east coast; transmission of my childish behavior is only a smartphone away.  She saves my soul.

The youngest, will break me of nagging, worrying and getting absolutely hysterical over little things –  for the good of all the family and everyone’s sanity –  if it kills her, before she’s off to college.  She has taught me to breathe, spoken to me in a gentle, soothing voice, explaining calmly and succinctly the logic of letting go and trusting vs. the unhelpful, irrational and detrimental energy I expend on nagging, worrying and getting absolutely hysterical. She’s saving my relationships.

If nothing else, I have learned what an imperfect human being I will always be; especially in  their eyes.  But every single C-section was worth it, because they have become young adults I am proud to know and I believe they are exemplary people who know how values, ethics and dedication can transform their own mother into an authentic woman who feels loved and respected despite their teasing.

We all need someone who has our best interests at heart. I have three lights that guide and instruct me and two contemporaries that have held me up on either side so I don’t fall down, sometimes laughing, sometimes crying.  I am blessed.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *